Face Down.

Hey there you vampire.

Apparently, it has been about a year already since I last wrote a blog entry about you. I was wondering how I should start this. Hmm. Should I start off with 'How have you been?' or our usual conversation starter in the form of 'Yo.'? Probably not. So let me start this off with the reason as to why I decided to write another one for you. An ex boyfriend of mine messaged me last night asking me to delete a blog entry that I wrote about us a few years back. I wrote it out of extreme anger so it wasn't a happy blog entry at all. Don't get me wrong, we are okay. He just sort of suddenly remembered that post and he told me that he had been wanting to ask me to delete it for quite sometime already. He just never had the courage to ask me to till last night since I was being extremely nasty to him in the past. Lol. So anyways, when I checked the blog entry, I suddenly realized that it has been a while since I wrote anything at all. I reviewed my posts and there and then, I saw and read my last entry for you. I can't believe that it has already been a year. How fast time flies, as they say. 

I want to tell you a lot of stories. How things have changed, my future plans. You have always been my shock absorber. I don't know if you realized but everytime I message you, I would always seem kind of 'off'. I guess I got used to the fact that whenever something bad happens to me, one message from you is all it takes to switch my mood back to the happy side. I bet you're smiling while you were reading that, huh? Same old Mr. M. :P Don't get it in your head, little man. It's not because you replied. It's because of what you are saying. That's what's making my mood better everytime. You never were the joker, actually. To me, you were more like a child. And that's what's making me open up to you. It was very easy. You have always been the honest type. You would go around saying stuff like 'Laro muna ako ha? Text nalang kita pagtapos. Hirap magreply e', or 'Di pa ako matutulog e. Mauna ka na' Haha. Yeah, I was laughing while I was writing that. I've always appreciated honesty in men. I guess it's so extinct nowadays that I find it rare to meet a guy who would actually say what he is doing, or what he can't do. With that, I know that I can tell you a lot of things because I know that I'll get an honest reply. Not something that you would say just to be polite, or just to somehow look cool, or tough, or whatever you guys want to look like. I never got to thank you for that. Thank you, for always being honest. With me, at least. :P

I was wondering. Lately, I've been tracking my blog's recent viewers and it has been constantly viewed from the Philippines. I was wondering if it was you, or someone else. You see, since I mostly let out my frustrations in this blog, not many people are familiar with this site's URL. Only the people whom I've mostly written blog entries about. So if in case that by some miracle, you suddenly remembered this site, feel free to read this entry because this is yours.

So, what do you exactly do when your marriage is on the rocks? Sorry if I'm being insensitive in asking you this because of, you know. Yeah, that. But anyways, I've been really wondering. I'm no saint, vampire. You know that, right? I've had my own share of misdemeanors in the past. However, I justify my actions by thinking that if I didn't do that, I'll get stuck forever in this mess that I'm in. I consider myself a lonely person. You often tell me that I laugh easily. That my laugh was contagious, even. But you also know how much I've been craving for affection. Four years of my life. I've spent four years of my life waiting for someone who now barely cares. Who changed so much, I no longer feel how it is to be special for someone. I was never the 'flowers-surprises-chocolates' type of girl but somehow, is it wrong for me to feel jealous when my friends post over Facebook the things that their partners do for them? I guess I am a flowers-surprises-chocolates type of girl after all. But... is it wrong? Is it wrong to expect my partner to show a little care? I won't be young, forever, vampire. I don't want it to come to a point wherein I'll regret the choices that I've made. I could have waited till I was about 27 to get married. I could have married someone else. I could have gotten myself a different man if I wanted to. I still could but I never wanted to. Not till all of this mess started. Truth be told, everyday I've been thinking if today is the time for me to let go. I can't be the only one who's gluing this relationship together for the rest of our lives, right?

Is it wrong for me to want someone who would be willing to go against all odds with me? It was bad enough that I have to always wait. You know how much I hate waiting. How many fights have we had everytime you were late in picking me up? :P Shouldn't I be credited for putting up with something I loathe for the past four years? I never demand, vampire. You know that. If I have to, I do very minimal demands. Is it wrong for me to demand that this time,  I want someone who would be brave enough to resist all temptations and to just turn back from everything he grew up knowing and start a new chapter with me? with us? Is it that impossible? Because if it is with him, then I'd rather burn down our bridges together and just find someone else who'll be willing to do those things for me. As I've said, I'm not growing any younger. I don't want to grow old miserable or alone. I want someone who'll romantically propose to me infront of other people and tell me that he's willing to do anything just to be by my side. I don't have a need for someone who only stays with me because of the kids. I want to spend the rest of my life with someone who loves me more than his family, more than his friends, more than anything. I want someone who wouldn't spare a pretty girl a glance because he is scared that I'll leave him if he cheats. I don't want someone who so willingly embraces temptations but can't give in to my demands for reconciliation. I can't have that, vampire. It is too much for me and you can say that I got fed up. But more than anything, I'm scared. I'm scared of going through that pain again. I've always thought that it was better for him to beat me up than to hurt me emotionally. I'm already emotionally wrecked, vampire. What else is there to ruin?

Looking back, I don't think I'll be like this if I didn't undergo those painful events. 18 years of my life. I've lived 18 years without him. 18 years and I never experienced this kind of pain. How many flings have I had before him? Not one had cheated on me. Harsh, though, as it may seem, I had them wrapped around my finger. We would argue and the next day, I'd walk around UST's campus with a bouquet of flowers, no matter if it was my fault or theirs. I'd randomly receive sweet messages, I'd be surprised infront of my blockmates. You know, those kind of things. Is it wrong for me to miss those? If I were to ask you, do you think I made a mistake by marrying him this early? Maybe I should have ran away when I started noticing the signs of him being cold. The usual good morning texts are slowly being gone and he started to stop looking for me when I am not home. He stopped checking my accounts, and even the video call stopped. No surprises, nothing. Not even celebrations for anniversaries. I've learned to live with that, but I couldn't help asking myself this question: "What happened to us?". You've known me for quite a while. Am I hard to please? All I know is that I would have always picked up cheap dates than no dates at all. I'd rather eat off streets foods with someone who asked me to than to cry myself to sleep at night because my partner didn't even remember that it was a special day for us. Or for me, at least.

I'm craving for love. That's what my problem is. When he told me that I've changed, I actually already know that reason why. It's been so long since I've last felt loved by a guy and it makes me so desperately ask for his. I'm wrong, right? I was raised better than that. You told me so yourself. I wasn't even looking at you when we first met yet I already had you around my finger. I shouldn't be forcing myself to someone who cares so little about me. Maybe he used to care. USED to. Not anymore, though. Am I better off with someone else? I really need someone to talk to in person right now yet I am shy to admit the failure of my relationship. I've wasted four years of my life boosting him up to my family and friends and this is what I got. How can I tell that to someone face to face? Even when I'm face down on the ground, I still can't swallow my pride. I guess pretending is my specialty.

Sanrio Puroland!

Hurray for all pink, fluffy and cuddly stuff!

I'm normally a t-shirt-pants-sneakers type of girl but who would say no to a visit to the lovely world of the Sanrio characters?

Since I am in Japan and Disneyland is currently too mainstream to be visited and to write a blog about, I've decided to give Sanrio Puroland in Tama City, Tokyo a visit. :3

I don't know what to expect on our way there because I haven't been to any Disneyland at all, so I don't have any place to compare it to. When I entered the place, however, my jaw dropped (not literally, of course!). I'm not a fan of Hello Kitty and the other characters but I can't deny that the place is stunning.

We went on a weekday yet the place is still jam-packed. What can I say? Hello Kitty is very popular here in Japan. From fans, floaters and even drinks! Hello Kitty's face can be seen beaming at you from every direction.

Entrance to Sanrio Puroland!

Once you've entered the main entrance, this is what will welcome you!

First attraction and the only ride.

After the boat ride, we decided to explore the place and found an entertainment theater. When we entered, I almost laughed. There was a Hello Kitty DJ. :D She was dancing along with three other women and they were teaching kids a dance step. She looks sexier than the women. :D

See what I mean? She was even wearing knee-high boots! Talk about being a fashionista.

Right after that, the parade started. We managed to get a pretty decent spot. We weren't at the center but at least we didn't have to stand on tiptoes just to watch. 

I enjoyed the parade more than I enjoyed anything else. The songs were too catchy (though I don't understand Nihongo that much), and the people in costumes were too fanciful to not look at.

I was too busy clicking on my camera the whole time that I didn't even have time to mind my family. :))) I was too caught up with their song and dance numbers. Mind you, all of the Sanrio characters came out and they were dancing, as well.

I was never a fan of mascots, heck I was even afraid of them when I was young! But within Sanrio Puroland, I can't help but smile while watching them sing and dance. They're too kawaii! I don't think I've ever appreciated mascots this much.

No, this is not Kitty. This is Daniel.

NOW THIS IS HELLO KITTY. :3

After the parade, we walked around to look for the souvenir shop. We end up, however, in front of Hello Kitty's house! Too bad we didn't enter. I heard that Kitty's house is worth seeing. And that you can only get a picture with Kitty if you entered. Why? Because that's her house and she doesn't go out unless it's time for the parade. :(

We were all starving then because we were running on onigiri and sandwiches from 711. We did, however, bought some stuff from the souvenir shop for Keiko. :3 The stuff were amazing! Of course they are pricey, too. :P

A very long line for the people who want to see the inside of Kitty's house.

And since we didn't enter the house, we settled for Kitty's car which is parked just outside her house.

Right after that, we went to the fourth floor of the Sanrio Puroland where the restaurant and cafeteria are. When you enter it, the first thing that you'll see is this:

Talk about Kitty addiction, huh? :P

Anyway, we settled for the eat-all-you-can restaurant. We made a great choice, I think. The food was not that spectacular but the environment was, at least, beyond words.

Our timing was also perfect. We entered while another Hello Kitty was performing. Mind you, she was singing an English song- I love you baby by Frankie Valli. Her voice was so tiny that it'll make you laugh instead of getting you annoyed. :D We were lucky that we got there in time, though. She left right after that song. :(

I can't believe how many Hello Kitty stuff there are in that place. The table napkins, the paper cups, heck, even the high chairs for kids are printed with Hello Kitty's face. It was pure Hello Kitty heaven.

After we eat, we strolled some more and browsed through the main souvenir shop. I can't help but notice that Hello Kitty stuff are always beside My Melody stuff. I don't know why, either. Probably because they're both pink? :D We even got the chance to bump into My Melody. Keiko wasn't too fond of her, I think. She was just staring at her, her emotion unreadable.

There was a long line of kids and kids at heart for My Melody, too.

 They were ready with

 their cameras and pens and papers! Kid on top is not Keiko.

Cute stuff from the last souvenir shop!

I had so much fun that I wouldn't say no to another visit to that place. :3 I want nothing more than to splurge! Everything is too cute for me. It felt as if I was betraying my all time sweetheart, Snoopy, while I was there yet I cannot stop myself. Ken wasn't that amused, though. I was asking, no, begging him to buy the Hello Kitty boxers but he put his foot down firmly. LOL. Why am I not surprised.

All in all, it was such a great experience for me. Not only did I find myself inside this cute place, I was also toured around Tokyo. I finally got away from mountains of Chiba, even just for a day. I can't wait to go back in Sanrio Puroland with my mom so that I can freely explore the place without minding a grumpy Ken! :)))

Sanrio Puroland's website:

http://www.puroland.co.jp/english/welcome.html

JMGDM

Dear you,

First off, if you're reading this, congratulations! You found it. ;)

I've originally created a longer blog entry for you. I was 14 paragraphs through that entry but somehow, I can no longer finish it. I can't blame it to the good old writer's block, because quite obviously, given that I'm halfway through this intro already, it shows that I can still compose new ones. Besides, I just finished a blog yesterday. Surely, my ideas aren't on hold.

Truth be told, I really didn't know what was stopping me from finishing it up. I can point it out to me being lazy, or to me, doing other stuff at the exact same time as I was composing that, but when I've contemplated long enough yesterday, I realized that the reason why I can't finish it is because the story itself came to an abrupt stop that my mind must've automatically turned itself into hiatus with regards to that story.

So here I am, raising my white flag and putting the last dot into this story. I know that this wasn't a story for you but for me, it was. And short though, as it may be, I'm still glad that I've had my second chance. Lady luck wasn't as cruel to me as how I've originally thought.

So, yeah, I like you, or liked, whatever. And I've liked you longer than how I've liked my new eye-candy in the person of Miura Haruma. :3

2 years ago, had I not been in a rocky relationship then, or had I had the courage to free myself out of that mess, I know that I still wouldn't have had a chance. You have no idea how long I've resisted adding you up on Facebook and starting a conversation with you. All this time, up to the point wherein I've already added you up, I've always looked at your profile, asking myself whether I should do it or not.

I never had enough courage until last year. That was when I've found out that you are in a long-term relationship. You never told me but I kind of figured it out with your posts and all. We got to exchange messages briefly and you suddenly stopped talking to me as though I don't exist at all. That was fine with me, though. Because I know that you are happy. And I, myself was trying to patch things up in the messy relationship that I was in.

After a year, a lot has changed. I accidentally deleted all of my contacts when I upgraded my phone to iOS5. It was silly of me to update it without backing it up. I lost not only my contacts but the messages and all my apps, as well. I vaguely remember sending messages to my friends over Facebook that time. With you, though, I didn't get a reply. That was still fine by me. :)

This month, I got myself a new spare phone and as I was playing with it, I saw that the old messages on my sim card were still there. I was browsing through it when I saw your name. It was funny because while I was blankly staring at our previous messages, I remember saving your number on my sim card itself in case I lose my contacts. It took me a few days to muster up all of the courage that I can get, to send you a message. Surprisingly, you replied. :)

It was short but I've missed it. For reasons unknown to the universe, the bittersweet feeling of sending you messages and waiting to see if you'll reply has got me hooked. And before I knew it, the bittersweet feeling has turned into a plain bitter one, when I've finally realized that I'm at the end of my ride and you'll no longer reply.

Pardon my sentiments but I think that if I don't let this all off now, I'd never be able to let you go. Don't worry. After this, since I've already raised my white flag, I'll never bug you again in any way. Let me tell you everything now, so as to help myself move forward and not look back again. I can't promise to make it as short as how you want it to be but I'll do my best to make it straight to the point.

As what I've said above, I like you, and I'll probably always will. To me, you're a constant living reminder of the pain of wanting someone I can't have. I should probably hate you for that. But I'm not a person who's living with hatred. As what I've said, I'd like to say everything that I want to be able to let go and move forward.

Also, you're a constant reminder that I should never rush into decisions and learn how to wait. You might've not noticed it but, yeah. I can be one of the most impatient girls ever born in this planet. You know, since you've mentioned that you've been single for months now, I've always wanted to give myself a great punch. Not to brag, but I can punch really hard for a girl. So, yeah. I know that it was long a shot but I was wondering if things would've changed had I waited. Probably not, but at least I would've presented myself with a little ray of hope back then. But I didn't wait so I guess I'd never find out the answer to that now.

I'd like to thank you, though, for putting up with me until now. It hurts when you don't reply but as what I've said, it's better that way so I don't get attached. You know how it goes. When people start doing something everyday, it becomes a hobby for them. And someday, no, probably by tomorrow, I'd have a new hobby. One which involves me, not waiting for your replies anymore. Kinda sucks because it feels as if I'm breaking up with someone I've seen only twice! Ha-ha. But try to live two years of your life, wanting someone you can never ever have and you'd probably know what I mean and what I've felt all this time.

I guess I have to finish this here because I don't want to trigger the waterworks. Once a tear falls off my eye, I know that I won't be able to say goodbye again. So, yeah. I guess this is it. I'm throwing off the white flag in the air and I'll be taking a deep breath and when I let it out, that'll be my final good bye.

Bye, bye, you evil vampire. ;)

P.S. I was actually gonna ask you out. Yeah. Brave move of mine. But you never replied so, I am partly thankful. I can't imagine the embarrassment of being dumped by the same person twice! Ha-ha!
 posted from Bloggeroid

Koizora Night!

So, I've recently got myself a new eye-candy after watching the Bloody Monday Jseries. :3


Who else?!


Miura Haruma, of course. :3




For six years straight, I've been a loyal Jun Matsumoto fan. I've downloaded all of his movies and drama series just because being her fangirl has been a huge part of my life already. Yeah, well, that sounds like an exaggeration but, what the hell? Six years. Surely, that's a long time already.


So, back to Miura...


He's awesome. I can't deny that his acting skills are a bit too amateur compared to MatsuJun's but he's got talent. I've got to give him that much. Plus, his face value's enough, of course. I can't believe that instead of watching Hana Yori Dango again a few days ago, I've decided to wait for my torrent downloads of Miura Haruma's movies/ series to finish. I guess I've finally realized that Jun Matsumoto's too old for me. Ha-ha!


Anyways, so last Monday, I've finally finished my download of Koizora aka Sky of Love. :3 It stars Miura Haruma(of course!) and Yui Aragaki. 

Photo source: [  http://www.mysoju.com/japanese-movie/koizora/ ]

I've watched it with one of Selecta's Hershey's collection: Heath. That was a good flavor, by the way. Although for people who easily feel like vomiting with too much sugar, sorry, but I don't think that's the right flavor for you.

The female lead was awfully familiar to me but I was wondering why her voice doesn't ring a bell. Then, it hit me. She was the lead girl of Jun Matsumoto from Smile. That explains a lot, given that she was mute in that series.  That's why her voice didn't sound familiar, at all!

I especially liked Miura's silver hair in the movie. :3 Made me kind of disappointed that he switched it over to black briefly, halfway through the movie. I was partly glad that he switched it over to white again but that's when I've realized that the movie's going on a fast track towards the ending, which, I'm guessing that most of you know already, is a sad one.

It's not as if I wasn't expecting it, though. When I've finished watching the two seasons of Bloody Monday, I amused myself by downloading photos of Miura Haruma and that's when I've found out that that silver hair of his was used for one of his movies. I immediately Googled it, and voila! spoilers here and there. So, yeah. I knew all along that he's gonna die in that movie.

All in all, though I didn't find anything spectacular with regards to the lead actors' acting skills, I still find the movie worth watching again and again and again. And that's about 90% because of Miura Haruma, of course. :3 <3333

P.S. Only when I Googled the first picture did I found out that Miura Haruma's sister in this movie is actually Karina. Yeah, she's the one who was with Jun Matsumoto in Bambino! and Myu no Anyo Papa ni Ageru. I don't know why but I've always found her pretty in those other shows. I didn't like her much in Koizora, though. She looks kindaaaaa- wasted and old? Yeah. Something like that.

...because we can't talk.

Hey.

I don't know how to approach you without us getting on each other's nerves so I've decided to type it out instead. I'm sorry if I'm still as hard-headed as how I've always been. You know, contrary to your belief, it's not easy for me to talk back. It pains me to do that as much as it pains you to hear me answer back to you. I know I've got anger management issues but at the end of the day, no, just by the end of each argument, I feel really bad for having to talk back to you just to state out my point.


I don't want to argue with you but how can we talk properly when you wouldn't even listen?


I want you to be happy on your own. I want you to achieve true happiness by yourself. Not by being dependent on others, because it's not forever that friends get to stay by your side. There will come a time wherein you will be left behind and when that time comes, I want to look at you and be proud that you can stand on your own.


As long as you're being dependent like that, I'm scared to leave you. Because I don't want a time to come wherein I'll regret my decision to leave without making sure that you are okay by yourself. We've been there before and I don't want that feeling to come back again. That feeling of helplessness. I don't want to see you cry because you are pitying yourself. Not because I pity you, but because I hate the fact that you can't see your own worth. If other people can't appreciate you, I want you to stop caring because you don't have to please any of them. It's enough that you love yourself enough to be able to live without minding the opinion of others.


It's not as if I don't want you to enjoy. In fact, I want you to have the time of your life. I want to leave not because I want to be able to have a new family but because I want to work, for me to able to give you the life of a queen. It may not even be close, but at least it would be enough for me to raise you from the life status of an average person.


I hope you realize that I want nothing more than to see you happily spending the rest of your life. I don't care if I have to work my ass off everyday, as long as I give you everything that will make you happy. All I want is for you to look in the mirror everyday and tell yourself that you are happy. Not because you have friends, not because someone cares for you, but simply because you exist and that alone makes at least a person ecstatic. Yeah, that person is me.

Worm-filled rice, anyone?

Yesterday, my mom and I had a little argument because of dinner. I got upset because I slept at around 7pm since I was already starving and no one's home yet. I woke up at around 9pm and went downstairs. I found my mom dressing up to go to bed. Apparently, she left money for me to buy my dinner since she'd be a little late. I didn't look at my money all day since I got too lazy to buy my own lunch, as well. So we had a little argument and she ended up storming out of the house and bought me dinner.


I went up to my room again and didn't go down till an hour later when the real pangs of hunger hit me. I saw that she purchased food from Andok's, which I actually appreciated when I saw it. My tastebuds are on a coup-de-etat against McDonald's already. There were two plastic bags. I opened the first one and saw two steamed rice. I checked the second one and saw barbecues. I was shaking from hunger already that I immediately took on of the rice and opened it.


Voila.


I almost puked. The moment that I touched it, it was actually really wet. I thought it was just because it was NEWLY cooked. When I opened it, to my disgust, the rice is yellow and green colored already. What was more, there were molds, the smell's really foul and the worst of it, there were flies. I immediately dropped the rice. I was so scared to look at it a little longer because at the back of my mind, I was so sure that if I poke it, maggots would come out. Disgusting.


So I immediately went upstairs and asked my mom if she had a receipt. She said no. I suddenly remembered that one bad thing about that store is that they never issue any receipts. EVER. I know that it's our fault, as well, since we should've demanded receipts from them but they we never do. So we can't blame them wholly for that. I went downstairs and stared at that rice.


What I did was I threw it out. I know that I might regret not taking a picture of it but I just consoled myself with the fact that the more I stare onto that foul thing, the more that I'm challenging the capability of my stomach, which, I might add, is not that great. I just made a mental note to never purchase anything from that store again and to, of course, write this blog.


I know that some people might say that I might just be a hater of that company but honestly, they're nippa huts compared to the mansion-like McDonald's, Burger King, etc., so what will I gain if I wrote this blog out of nothing but pure hatred? Anyway, it's not as if I'm begging you to believe me or anything. But once you experience that kind of stuff in your food, I don't think you'll ever get over it. Seeing things like that to stuff that you put in your mouth, it does things to you.

Why you shouldn't talk to strangers.

Talk about freaky people nowadays. I had to learn the hard way from this. As you can see, when I was young, it didn’t really matter to me as to whoever I add up on my social networking sites. As it turned out,  that’s the biggest mistake I ever did. Check out this creep for example:

Uh-huh. That’s one weird guy up there. For those who can’t speak Filipino or those who just can’t understand whatever this retard wrote down, he was actually asking me as to why I’m not replying to him. To add up to his insanely freaky question, he’s telling me that he’s good looking and that WE (whoever those we are) don’t have manners for not replying to him.
I mean, c’mon. Are you seriously asking me that question? I don’t speak retard, freak.

Ignored, deleted, blocked.