230509
1.
07:47:(39 PM) Hiro Sanchez: bat ganyan stats mo?
(07:54:41 PM) Jessica Crisostomo: ahahahaha bakit? :">
(07:54:58 PM) Hiro Sanchez: walaaa :)) =))
(07:55:40 PM) Hiro Sanchez: ano ba ang iyong secret :>
(07:55:56 PM) Jessica Crisostomo: gusto mo talaga malaman? :">
(07:56:06 PM) Hiro Sanchez: oo
(07:56:17 PM) Jessica Crisostomo: Matagal ko ng gusto si Ken. :">
(07:56:55 PM) Hiro Sanchez: d na bago saken yon
(07:56:55 PM) Hiro Sanchez: :))
(07:56:55 PM) Hiro Sanchez: =))
(07:58:31 PM) Jessica Crisostomo: Bago yon!
(07:58:42 PM) Jessica Crisostomo: Di mo naman alam na matagal ko ng gusto si Ken :">
(07:59:01 PM) Hiro Sanchez: Kailan naging bago ang naging gusto mo saken
(07:59:01 PM) Hiro Sanchez: :))
(07:59:01 PM) Hiro Sanchez: =))
2.
(05:52:43 PM) Jes Dacapio: crush mo si wendell ramos
(05:52:43 PM) Jes Dacapio: un ang secret mo
(05:52:44 PM) Jes Dacapio: :))
3.
(11:28:58 PM) Gio Landayan: oo pare
(11:28:59 PM) Gio Landayan: alam ko ang sikreto mo
(11:29:10 PM) Gio Landayan: ang pnakalihim mo
(11:38:33 PM) Jessica Crisostomo: ano?
(11:38:34 PM) Jessica Crisostomo: :))
(11:39:50 PM) Gio Landayan: mahal mo si rivadelo
(11:39:55 PM) Gio Landayan: tyka si torio
4.
(07:42:27 PM) Angelo Santos: ano skreto mo?
(07:42:27 PM) Angelo Santos: :))
(07:43:53 PM) Jessica Crisostomo: matagal ko ng gusto si ken
(07:43:54 PM) Jessica Crisostomo: =))
(07:46:18 PM) Angelo Santos: hahahaha
(07:46:18 PM) Angelo Santos: :))
(07:46:21 PM) Angelo Santos: nababaliw ka na wanda
(07:46:22 PM) Angelo Santos: =))
(07:47:44 PM) Jessica Crisostomo: ahaha totoo naman eh
240509
1.
(01:47:57 AM) Ira Garcia: Hindi ko alam.
(01:48:01 AM) Ira Garcia: :)
(01:48:44 AM) Jessica Crisostomo: matagal ko ng type si ken :">
2.
(01:29:24 AM) reD Gumangan: nd ko p alm sikreto mo...
(01:29:27 AM) reD Gumangan: :D
(01:33:22 AM) Jessica Crisostomo: ahahaha
(01:33:25 AM) Jessica Crisostomo: ang sikreto ko ay
(01:33:30 AM) reD Gumangan: ou nga nd ko alm..
(01:33:30 AM) Jessica Crisostomo: matagal ko ng gusto si ken
(01:33:31 AM) Jessica Crisostomo: :">
(01:33:35 AM) reD Gumangan: naks!
(01:33:43 AM) reD Gumangan: sweat!
(01:33:48 AM) reD Gumangan: este sweet!
(01:34:23 AM) reD Gumangan: cge mag mahalan kyu!!:D
(01:34:26 AM) reD Gumangan: go jessica..
(01:34:29 AM) Jessica Crisostomo: ahahahaha :P
3.
JR Cansino: pede b mlamn sikreto m?:))
(02:06:13 AM) Jessica Crisostomo: oo
(02:06:19 AM) Jessica Crisostomo: matagal ko ng gusto ang bf ko :))
(02:07:24 AM) JR Cansino: naks ..sweet nmam . alam b nia??;):-P
4.
(08:41:22 PM) Raymart Velante: ui
(08:41:25 PM) Raymart Velante: jessica!
(08:41:29 PM) Raymart Velante: musta? hehe
(08:41:33 PM) Raymart Velante: d ko lam sikreto mu e
(08:41:34 PM) Raymart Velante: :d
(08:41:36 PM) Raymart Velante: wahahaha
(08:42:07 PM) Jessica Crisostomo: matagal ko ng gusto bf ko :">
(08:43:57 PM) Raymart Velante: haha
(08:43:57 PM) Raymart Velante: nice :d
---
Yeah. So this is actually a line from a Parokya ni Edgar song which I like so much because I can relate to this line. :D
This is actually a trap. I am hoping that, like them, Ken would ask me what my secret is. So here it is:
Alam mo ba ang sikreto ko?
Matagal na kitang gusto. :)
Only one person got it right. :D
240509
1.
(01:45:40 PM) Kisses Gawaran: ano yng status? :)
(01:45:47 PM) Kisses Gawaran: 'Matagal na ktang gusto'
(01:45:47 PM) Jessica Crisostomo: aling status?
(01:45:48 PM) Kisses Gawaran: 'Matagal na ktang gusto'?
(01:45:50 PM) Kisses Gawaran: :)
(01:45:51 PM) Jessica Crisostomo: oo!
(01:45:53 PM) Jessica Crisostomo: hahahaha :))
(01:45:56 PM) Jessica Crisostomo: pag nagtanong si ken
(01:46:00 PM) Kisses Gawaran: HAHAHAHA
(01:46:00 PM) Kisses Gawaran: KNEW IT :))
(01:46:03 PM) Jessica Crisostomo: ano yang sikreto mo?
(01:46:08 PM) Kisses Gawaran: :))
(01:46:09 PM) Jessica Crisostomo: sasabihin ko
(01:46:16 PM) Jessica Crisostomo: matagal na kitang gusto :">
Spare me for being mushy. :D
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Saturday, May 16, 2009
An ugly duckling's thought.
WHY DO I EVEN BOTHER WRITING DOWN MY THOUGHTS WHEN I KNOW THAT THEY SUCK? WHY DO I HAVE TO PROLONG IT WHEN I KNOW HOW TO SAY IT DIRECTLY ANYWAY?
SHE'S GIVING ME A HEARTACHE THAT I DON'T DESERVE.
YES, IT HURTS. THE PAIN IS UNIMAGINABLE AND I DON'T KNOW UNTIL WHEN I CAN BEAR THIS. ITS THE WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD FOR ME. ONE LOOK IS ALL IT TAKES FOR THE TRUTH TO SINK INTO ME. IN EVERY ANGLE, IN EVERY WAY, SHE'S GREATER THAN ME. THAT'S ONE THING THAT I HAVE TO LEARN TO LIVE WITH.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT? IT HURTS MORE TO TRY TO TALK TO ANYBODY AND HEAR THEIR FALSE COMFORTING WORDS BECAUSE YOU DON'T NEED TO LOOK INTO THEIR EYES TO KNOW THAT DEEP INSIDE, THEY CAN SEE CLEARLY THAT I AM FIGHTING A LOSING BATTLE.
---
CRAP. THIS IS THE CRAPPIEST BLOG ENTRY IVE EVER DONE. MORE THAN HALF OF THE PEOPLE I KNOW WOULDN'T GET TO UNDERSTAND THIS AND THE REMAINING HANDFUL OF MY FRIENDS WOULDN'T KNOW HOW TO RESPOND TO THIS.
BOTTOM LINE? IF YOU LOVE ME, DO ME A FAVOR AND PLEASE DO TAPE MY MOUTH. LATELY IM BEING DIFFERENT. I AM OPENING UP MY FEELINGS AND IT SO NOT OKAY FOR ME TO BE LIKE THAT. I WANT THEM TO BE KEPT INSIDE ME AGAIN, WHERE NO ONE CAN SEE IT.
SHE'S GIVING ME A HEARTACHE THAT I DON'T DESERVE.
YES, IT HURTS. THE PAIN IS UNIMAGINABLE AND I DON'T KNOW UNTIL WHEN I CAN BEAR THIS. ITS THE WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD FOR ME. ONE LOOK IS ALL IT TAKES FOR THE TRUTH TO SINK INTO ME. IN EVERY ANGLE, IN EVERY WAY, SHE'S GREATER THAN ME. THAT'S ONE THING THAT I HAVE TO LEARN TO LIVE WITH.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT? IT HURTS MORE TO TRY TO TALK TO ANYBODY AND HEAR THEIR FALSE COMFORTING WORDS BECAUSE YOU DON'T NEED TO LOOK INTO THEIR EYES TO KNOW THAT DEEP INSIDE, THEY CAN SEE CLEARLY THAT I AM FIGHTING A LOSING BATTLE.
---
CRAP. THIS IS THE CRAPPIEST BLOG ENTRY IVE EVER DONE. MORE THAN HALF OF THE PEOPLE I KNOW WOULDN'T GET TO UNDERSTAND THIS AND THE REMAINING HANDFUL OF MY FRIENDS WOULDN'T KNOW HOW TO RESPOND TO THIS.
BOTTOM LINE? IF YOU LOVE ME, DO ME A FAVOR AND PLEASE DO TAPE MY MOUTH. LATELY IM BEING DIFFERENT. I AM OPENING UP MY FEELINGS AND IT SO NOT OKAY FOR ME TO BE LIKE THAT. I WANT THEM TO BE KEPT INSIDE ME AGAIN, WHERE NO ONE CAN SEE IT.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Spill it out.
Dear Mr. I love you,
This is me, your accident prone girlfriend, writing you yet another blog entry. Although, I am seriously doubting this. I am a hundred percent sure that somehow, this would turn out to be a real mess.
Just this afternoon, at around 430pm, I think, I realized that I am a real magnet for trouble and that I am better off without saying anything. I am therefore taking a big risk into writing you this. My thoughts are highly different from yours and from everyone else. I tend to misunderstand things when they don't go into my way of thinking. I guess that's what's wrong with wanting to be a writer. If a story goes out of my storyline, I keep on thinking that the whole story would definitely mess up my dream ending. That's one thing that I have to let go of. I admit, with great difficulty, that in terms of understanding others, I am nothing but a mere weak girl. I don't have enough strength to listen to them. I always end up ranting and accusing them of being different as to how they were before.
In other words, yes, in that perspective, you can call me self- centered. I am having great difficulty understanding the minds of others. I am actually having a hard time trying to change that awful attitude of mine. If I am talking to you and I end up reading just mere HAHAHAs and an eyeful of emoticons, I would quickly jump into the conclusion that you are being obviously cold. I never take into consideration your obvious effort of talking to me. I never even spare time to think that you are probably busy. Why? Simply because I am being overly childish and selfish. I keep on wanting your time. Your WHOLE free time, for that matter. I am actually hating myself for that. Because if there's one thing that I want to let go of, it is that attitude of mine. Yet, unfortunately, letting go of that is taking a longer process than expected. Admittedly, I, myself, don't know when I'll wake up and realize that I can go on the whole day without asking for every second of your time.
I read a quote a while ago saying that the only thing that you can change in a relationship is yourself and I really agree to that. Arguments will always be expected if I never learn to outgrow that attitude of mine. In my life, I have myself centered into being a doctor after a few years. That's one of my long term goals. As for now, I am currently giving my 100% into my short term goals. I actually have three:
1. I want to be back into being a bassist.
2. I want to be thinner.
3. I want you to be proud of me.
The first two, I can live without. But the last one? I wont quit without trying. Yes, it's like betting every penny I have into a race. There isn't a hundred percent assurance that I'll reach the finish line before anyone else does but, I'm still willing to try. No, 'give my best' is the better term for it. I am not the fastest runner in the world. I always end up being the third placer out of my PE class. Yes, JUST third out of the whole class. But, I am the first out of all the girls. What's the connection? If I can outrun every girl out of our class, there is no reason for me to fail into beating the first two guys ahead of me. Partly, I changed. I have faith in myself now. Whenever I look back, I'm slowly leaving behind the old me. The hopeless me who always ends up crying for nothing. I figured that if I don't trust my own self, no one has the right to trust me, too.
Change is always there and well, I am not saying that I can change in just a blink of an eye. I'll still feel odd whenever I'll read HAHAHAs and a dozen emoticons from our chats but, slowly, with my own will, I'll eventually learn how to let go of that. I am writing you this to apologize for still not being able to control it until a while ago. I am not saying that on our next talk, I'll be a totally different girl because it would be idiotic to say that. But, I swear that I'll keep a big note inside my head with flashy red lights on saying : HAHAHAs and emoticons doesn't necessarily mean that he's being cold.
By then, no matter how many HAHAHAs and emoticons I'll receive from you, I'll always remember how sweet you are. That's what I like best about you, actually. I think it is awfully hard to find and trust a guy who is sweet. But, well, I found you and I definitely trust your every word.
I am not demanding you to spare me from accusing you of being cold a while ago. It is my fault, as what I explained on this blog entry of mine. I refuse to see your efforts just because I refuse to change that particular attitude of mine. But, I am hoping against hope that someday, you'll understand me and somehow, you'll see that I am giving my best into trying to push that out of my entire self. Why?
Simple.
If making you proud of me is part of my short term goals, NEVER quitting on us is a big part of my long term ones.
Yes, a lot of people would say that forever is such a big word and that it might not be possible for a person to love someone until such time. But, it wouldn't hurt to try and I definitely won't lose anything if I do. I am not someone who scrawls my name beside yours at my notebooks nor am I someone who writes your name and encloses it in a big red heart. I got tired of my old habit of staring at your pictures for a long stretch of time when you're gone and my mouth is slowly running out of words about you when I talk to my friends. BUT, I often find my self staring at nowhere and thinking about you. And, above all, at nights, you often visit my dreams. No, they're not always about fairy tales and happy endings but the fact that you were there, no matter how nightmarish that dream was, makes that dream special. Why? Because as how Cinderella said it, 'A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep'. You're my first and last thought everyday and well, I guess I never stop thinking about you after all. Because even when I sleep, my brain still thinks of you subconsciously.
I don't believe in charming princes, knights in shining armors and I definitely don't believe into frog princes. But I do believe in you. I believe you every time you say that you love me, too. I believed you when you said a while ago that you'll never get tired of me. It breaks my heart every time because I sense and see the sincerity in you and in return, I always end up making you feel bad. I always mess things up. But slowly, I am trying to throw out every stupid bit of myself. I am hoping that somehow, someday, you'll eventually see and feel it. Tonight, I let go of my pride. I admitted something that I never wanted to admit before. I admitted that I am wrong over something. I hate being criticized but, tonight, I looked at myself critically and saw my flaw. I can't always be right over everything. A writer writes different stories but they all have wonderful endings. Just because an event doesn't go with my storyline, that doesn't mean that I won't get the same ending. Sometimes, stepping into the unknown gives off something much better than if you just followed one path. I must change.
I think you're already tired of hearing this but, I'll say it anyway. I love you forever. I also don't know how long forever is but, if ever I'll die tonight or any other day, I'll linger on as how Casper did and maybe he'll let me borrow one of his lines, too.
I'll ask you something that he used to ask Kat.
"If I tell you I love you, can I keep you forever?" :)
-from your trouble-making girlfriend.
*Spare me for being mushy. I, unlike him, is not capable of being sweet. I just like to open up my thoughts so that I wouldn't feel the need to go to the asylum anytime soon when my thoughts overflowed. Please, please don't steal my lines. For the first time, I'll beg. I made it for him and I don't want any other guy to hear the same words from anybody else. I've forgiven those people who used to use my lines out of my old blog entries without permission. But, if you use ANY line out of this particular blog entry without permission or without quoting me, expect war.
This is me, your accident prone girlfriend, writing you yet another blog entry. Although, I am seriously doubting this. I am a hundred percent sure that somehow, this would turn out to be a real mess.
Just this afternoon, at around 430pm, I think, I realized that I am a real magnet for trouble and that I am better off without saying anything. I am therefore taking a big risk into writing you this. My thoughts are highly different from yours and from everyone else. I tend to misunderstand things when they don't go into my way of thinking. I guess that's what's wrong with wanting to be a writer. If a story goes out of my storyline, I keep on thinking that the whole story would definitely mess up my dream ending. That's one thing that I have to let go of. I admit, with great difficulty, that in terms of understanding others, I am nothing but a mere weak girl. I don't have enough strength to listen to them. I always end up ranting and accusing them of being different as to how they were before.
In other words, yes, in that perspective, you can call me self- centered. I am having great difficulty understanding the minds of others. I am actually having a hard time trying to change that awful attitude of mine. If I am talking to you and I end up reading just mere HAHAHAs and an eyeful of emoticons, I would quickly jump into the conclusion that you are being obviously cold. I never take into consideration your obvious effort of talking to me. I never even spare time to think that you are probably busy. Why? Simply because I am being overly childish and selfish. I keep on wanting your time. Your WHOLE free time, for that matter. I am actually hating myself for that. Because if there's one thing that I want to let go of, it is that attitude of mine. Yet, unfortunately, letting go of that is taking a longer process than expected. Admittedly, I, myself, don't know when I'll wake up and realize that I can go on the whole day without asking for every second of your time.
I read a quote a while ago saying that the only thing that you can change in a relationship is yourself and I really agree to that. Arguments will always be expected if I never learn to outgrow that attitude of mine. In my life, I have myself centered into being a doctor after a few years. That's one of my long term goals. As for now, I am currently giving my 100% into my short term goals. I actually have three:
1. I want to be back into being a bassist.
2. I want to be thinner.
3. I want you to be proud of me.
The first two, I can live without. But the last one? I wont quit without trying. Yes, it's like betting every penny I have into a race. There isn't a hundred percent assurance that I'll reach the finish line before anyone else does but, I'm still willing to try. No, 'give my best' is the better term for it. I am not the fastest runner in the world. I always end up being the third placer out of my PE class. Yes, JUST third out of the whole class. But, I am the first out of all the girls. What's the connection? If I can outrun every girl out of our class, there is no reason for me to fail into beating the first two guys ahead of me. Partly, I changed. I have faith in myself now. Whenever I look back, I'm slowly leaving behind the old me. The hopeless me who always ends up crying for nothing. I figured that if I don't trust my own self, no one has the right to trust me, too.
Change is always there and well, I am not saying that I can change in just a blink of an eye. I'll still feel odd whenever I'll read HAHAHAs and a dozen emoticons from our chats but, slowly, with my own will, I'll eventually learn how to let go of that. I am writing you this to apologize for still not being able to control it until a while ago. I am not saying that on our next talk, I'll be a totally different girl because it would be idiotic to say that. But, I swear that I'll keep a big note inside my head with flashy red lights on saying : HAHAHAs and emoticons doesn't necessarily mean that he's being cold.
By then, no matter how many HAHAHAs and emoticons I'll receive from you, I'll always remember how sweet you are. That's what I like best about you, actually. I think it is awfully hard to find and trust a guy who is sweet. But, well, I found you and I definitely trust your every word.
I am not demanding you to spare me from accusing you of being cold a while ago. It is my fault, as what I explained on this blog entry of mine. I refuse to see your efforts just because I refuse to change that particular attitude of mine. But, I am hoping against hope that someday, you'll understand me and somehow, you'll see that I am giving my best into trying to push that out of my entire self. Why?
Simple.
If making you proud of me is part of my short term goals, NEVER quitting on us is a big part of my long term ones.
Yes, a lot of people would say that forever is such a big word and that it might not be possible for a person to love someone until such time. But, it wouldn't hurt to try and I definitely won't lose anything if I do. I am not someone who scrawls my name beside yours at my notebooks nor am I someone who writes your name and encloses it in a big red heart. I got tired of my old habit of staring at your pictures for a long stretch of time when you're gone and my mouth is slowly running out of words about you when I talk to my friends. BUT, I often find my self staring at nowhere and thinking about you. And, above all, at nights, you often visit my dreams. No, they're not always about fairy tales and happy endings but the fact that you were there, no matter how nightmarish that dream was, makes that dream special. Why? Because as how Cinderella said it, 'A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep'. You're my first and last thought everyday and well, I guess I never stop thinking about you after all. Because even when I sleep, my brain still thinks of you subconsciously.
I don't believe in charming princes, knights in shining armors and I definitely don't believe into frog princes. But I do believe in you. I believe you every time you say that you love me, too. I believed you when you said a while ago that you'll never get tired of me. It breaks my heart every time because I sense and see the sincerity in you and in return, I always end up making you feel bad. I always mess things up. But slowly, I am trying to throw out every stupid bit of myself. I am hoping that somehow, someday, you'll eventually see and feel it. Tonight, I let go of my pride. I admitted something that I never wanted to admit before. I admitted that I am wrong over something. I hate being criticized but, tonight, I looked at myself critically and saw my flaw. I can't always be right over everything. A writer writes different stories but they all have wonderful endings. Just because an event doesn't go with my storyline, that doesn't mean that I won't get the same ending. Sometimes, stepping into the unknown gives off something much better than if you just followed one path. I must change.
I think you're already tired of hearing this but, I'll say it anyway. I love you forever. I also don't know how long forever is but, if ever I'll die tonight or any other day, I'll linger on as how Casper did and maybe he'll let me borrow one of his lines, too.
I'll ask you something that he used to ask Kat.
"If I tell you I love you, can I keep you forever?" :)
-from your trouble-making girlfriend.
*Spare me for being mushy. I, unlike him, is not capable of being sweet. I just like to open up my thoughts so that I wouldn't feel the need to go to the asylum anytime soon when my thoughts overflowed. Please, please don't steal my lines. For the first time, I'll beg. I made it for him and I don't want any other guy to hear the same words from anybody else. I've forgiven those people who used to use my lines out of my old blog entries without permission. But, if you use ANY line out of this particular blog entry without permission or without quoting me, expect war.
Monday, April 20, 2009
The blog entry he won't get to read.
This is the most useless blog entry that I will ever write. I'm actually making this for someone. Someone who, regretfully, won't get to read this anyway. Someone who, I'm afraid, won't talk to me anymore. Someone who I value more than all my girlfriends combined (yes, I know I suck as a friend, I'm sorry.), but lost with one great stupidity.
I would always regret my stupidity. I'm feeling a great deal of pain now and I actually don't know how I'll cope with it. I'm actually shutting myself to the world. I don't feel like talking to anybody, close friend or not. That's one thing that I learned from him, actually. You can't always depend on your friends. Most things in life must be solved on your own. It'll make you a much stronger person someday, although I'm seriously doubting myself if I'll ever be okay again.
So, going back, I am shutting myself to the world. I am sorry for my friends who'll get hurt because of this. It's not as if I don't believe in you, guys. I know that you'll always be successful in making me feel okay. ALTHOUGH, I placed myself into this mess and I want to fix this on my own. I want to prove him something, impossible as it may seem, based on the situation now. I made one big mistake. I messed up bigtime and I want to make up for it. That's the least that I can do to somehow make him see that I really am serious when I begged him to believe me this time.
I am such a mess and it makes my heart crush some more whenever I'll think about how he USED to hate it when I cry. Now, maybe he'll give me the same cold shoulder whenever he'll see me like this. 'Cause we're not the same as how we were a few hours ago. Before I wrote this, I called a close friend and the conversation was one of the worst ones I ever had. I just said hello, told the news and ended up crying the whole time that we were on the line. I had to drop the call to take in some deep breaths. That's when I decided that I can't talk to anyone- not now, at least.
I wouldn't give into vices. I wouldn't drink and hang out with friends because doing that won't help me fix this. I'll just make a fool out of myself if I drink. He made me realize that, as well. I think it would be better if I cry my eyes out all day and cry myself to sleep. I'm used to it and, I deserve it anyway. I'll sort and push out the wrong things that I've done out of my life. It's my last attempt to take back his trust.
I always say that I don't know what love is and yes, I really don't. I only know that it gives me a great deal of pain knowing that I frustrated him. It's like watching a little girl try to catch her balloon after she had been stupid enough to tie it loosely on her hand. She knows that no matter how hard she tries to reach for it, it's already too late yet she still jumps up and down hoping to get it back. It also goes with watching a lady send text messages to her leaving guy. She knows that she's being utterly stupid yet she doesn't want to stop because she knows in her heart that she can't lose him.
I always knew that I am a real magnet for trouble. I am clumsy and I have my own way of irritating people when I want to. I never knew that it has to come to this before I finally realize how stupid I am. Yes, I am stupid and I am useless. The more that I want to help, the more that I am pushing myself into more trouble. I took the most wrong turn this time and finally ended up on a dead end. It is entirely my fault. I should have stopped and stayed away from that road a long time ago.
I just thought that maybe he would have been proud of me if he knew that I was being totally proud that he's mine. I thought that he would be happy knowing that I was able to push away stuffs that aren't supposed to be within range of us. But yeah, me being a cause of trouble kicked in again. It messed us up. And it messed us up really good today. I don't think I ever hated myself this much. Why is it that when I wanted something badly, I would always make the most stupid action and have the worst result? How can I end up fuckin' my life so hard when all I ever really wanted was to make him proud? And everyone's a witness to that. God, the stars and everyone around me. How can I be the worst girl to a perfect guy?
And now, I'll make my bravest attempt into taking his trust back. I wont tell what I'll do. I would just do it. In fact, I already started it. You'll all figure it out soon.
*I am terribly sorry for my mistake. I am sorry for being totally stupid. I can't understand the simplest things thus, I always end up annoying you. I am sorry for being the worst girl. I am clumsy, I rarely listen and I bother you most of the time. I just wanted to make the most out of your 10-day stay here. As always, I failed. I caused trouble. Also, I am one big addition to your problems and I am terribly sorry for that. You never said it but I just feel it.
I know that I rarely hear out what you say but, that doesn't mean that I don't listen. I always take into consideration everything that you say. Everything aside for this. Maybe I just want you to trust me on that part. I want you to take a look at me and be proud knowing that I'll never give into temptations. Because that's actually the only thing that I can offer you. Loyalty. I can never be sweet because I don't know how to be one. I can't make you proud because I am neither beautiful nor do I excel in my studies. I just wanted you to feel that my world is full of you. There's no space left for others. But, you know me. I always fail.
As what I expected, I never got to say goodbye. I was too busy pissing you off to say goodbye properly. Again, I'm sorry. I guess you're back there now. I hope you're safe.
I was serious when I told you that I won't give up on this. I'm going to go for a last try into taking back your trust. I know that I don't probably stand a chance based from your last text messages to me but, well, I just can't go on knowing that I did nothing to take it back. I am doing what I want, now. I am happy with you. Spare me for being overly mushy. I rarely open up what I feel. There might not be another chance.
I never got to say some things to you. Thank you for kissing my hand. It made me believe that you wouldn't really leave. Thank you for holding my hand. I wonder if you noticed it but, I looked out the window when you did that. I was hiding my smile. When we hugged, you don't know how I'll give up everything just for that moment. My heart melted when I asked you if you wanted to stop this last April 18 and you said no. Also, no one can can hurt me. No one except you. I really love you more than you know.
Lastly, I feel bad that you wouldn't get to read this after all. I am sorry that I fucked up. I feel bad knowing that you wouldn't know how badly I'd do anything just to prove to you that you can trust me again. I am sorry. I never knew that the first time I'll get to open up would be my last as well. How ironic things are. I just don't feel like hiding that event from you. I made you a promise before. I'll tell you everything. I'll just go on and try to fix this. I hope I won't mess it up this time- Not that there is something to mess up more.
Iloveyouf0rever.
I would always regret my stupidity. I'm feeling a great deal of pain now and I actually don't know how I'll cope with it. I'm actually shutting myself to the world. I don't feel like talking to anybody, close friend or not. That's one thing that I learned from him, actually. You can't always depend on your friends. Most things in life must be solved on your own. It'll make you a much stronger person someday, although I'm seriously doubting myself if I'll ever be okay again.
So, going back, I am shutting myself to the world. I am sorry for my friends who'll get hurt because of this. It's not as if I don't believe in you, guys. I know that you'll always be successful in making me feel okay. ALTHOUGH, I placed myself into this mess and I want to fix this on my own. I want to prove him something, impossible as it may seem, based on the situation now. I made one big mistake. I messed up bigtime and I want to make up for it. That's the least that I can do to somehow make him see that I really am serious when I begged him to believe me this time.
I am such a mess and it makes my heart crush some more whenever I'll think about how he USED to hate it when I cry. Now, maybe he'll give me the same cold shoulder whenever he'll see me like this. 'Cause we're not the same as how we were a few hours ago. Before I wrote this, I called a close friend and the conversation was one of the worst ones I ever had. I just said hello, told the news and ended up crying the whole time that we were on the line. I had to drop the call to take in some deep breaths. That's when I decided that I can't talk to anyone- not now, at least.
I wouldn't give into vices. I wouldn't drink and hang out with friends because doing that won't help me fix this. I'll just make a fool out of myself if I drink. He made me realize that, as well. I think it would be better if I cry my eyes out all day and cry myself to sleep. I'm used to it and, I deserve it anyway. I'll sort and push out the wrong things that I've done out of my life. It's my last attempt to take back his trust.
I always say that I don't know what love is and yes, I really don't. I only know that it gives me a great deal of pain knowing that I frustrated him. It's like watching a little girl try to catch her balloon after she had been stupid enough to tie it loosely on her hand. She knows that no matter how hard she tries to reach for it, it's already too late yet she still jumps up and down hoping to get it back. It also goes with watching a lady send text messages to her leaving guy. She knows that she's being utterly stupid yet she doesn't want to stop because she knows in her heart that she can't lose him.
I always knew that I am a real magnet for trouble. I am clumsy and I have my own way of irritating people when I want to. I never knew that it has to come to this before I finally realize how stupid I am. Yes, I am stupid and I am useless. The more that I want to help, the more that I am pushing myself into more trouble. I took the most wrong turn this time and finally ended up on a dead end. It is entirely my fault. I should have stopped and stayed away from that road a long time ago.
I just thought that maybe he would have been proud of me if he knew that I was being totally proud that he's mine. I thought that he would be happy knowing that I was able to push away stuffs that aren't supposed to be within range of us. But yeah, me being a cause of trouble kicked in again. It messed us up. And it messed us up really good today. I don't think I ever hated myself this much. Why is it that when I wanted something badly, I would always make the most stupid action and have the worst result? How can I end up fuckin' my life so hard when all I ever really wanted was to make him proud? And everyone's a witness to that. God, the stars and everyone around me. How can I be the worst girl to a perfect guy?
And now, I'll make my bravest attempt into taking his trust back. I wont tell what I'll do. I would just do it. In fact, I already started it. You'll all figure it out soon.
*I am terribly sorry for my mistake. I am sorry for being totally stupid. I can't understand the simplest things thus, I always end up annoying you. I am sorry for being the worst girl. I am clumsy, I rarely listen and I bother you most of the time. I just wanted to make the most out of your 10-day stay here. As always, I failed. I caused trouble. Also, I am one big addition to your problems and I am terribly sorry for that. You never said it but I just feel it.
I know that I rarely hear out what you say but, that doesn't mean that I don't listen. I always take into consideration everything that you say. Everything aside for this. Maybe I just want you to trust me on that part. I want you to take a look at me and be proud knowing that I'll never give into temptations. Because that's actually the only thing that I can offer you. Loyalty. I can never be sweet because I don't know how to be one. I can't make you proud because I am neither beautiful nor do I excel in my studies. I just wanted you to feel that my world is full of you. There's no space left for others. But, you know me. I always fail.
As what I expected, I never got to say goodbye. I was too busy pissing you off to say goodbye properly. Again, I'm sorry. I guess you're back there now. I hope you're safe.
I was serious when I told you that I won't give up on this. I'm going to go for a last try into taking back your trust. I know that I don't probably stand a chance based from your last text messages to me but, well, I just can't go on knowing that I did nothing to take it back. I am doing what I want, now. I am happy with you. Spare me for being overly mushy. I rarely open up what I feel. There might not be another chance.
I never got to say some things to you. Thank you for kissing my hand. It made me believe that you wouldn't really leave. Thank you for holding my hand. I wonder if you noticed it but, I looked out the window when you did that. I was hiding my smile. When we hugged, you don't know how I'll give up everything just for that moment. My heart melted when I asked you if you wanted to stop this last April 18 and you said no. Also, no one can can hurt me. No one except you. I really love you more than you know.
Lastly, I feel bad that you wouldn't get to read this after all. I am sorry that I fucked up. I feel bad knowing that you wouldn't know how badly I'd do anything just to prove to you that you can trust me again. I am sorry. I never knew that the first time I'll get to open up would be my last as well. How ironic things are. I just don't feel like hiding that event from you. I made you a promise before. I'll tell you everything. I'll just go on and try to fix this. I hope I won't mess it up this time- Not that there is something to mess up more.
Iloveyouf0rever.
Tears and smiles.
In the few days that you were here, I came to learn something crucial. I actually took the painful way into learning it but, it was all worth it. I came to realize that in waiting for something, NEVER trust your imagination for it'll rarely go on exactly how you pictured it.
Like a princess hanging desperately for her life on a cliff, she'll always picture herself being rescued by her handsome prince. She knows that she can go up and save her life on her own but, she'll wait nonetheless. She has been spending eternity dreaming of holding her saviour's hands and living happily ever after with him. But, no one can predict the future. Yes, she'll meet her prince but, there isn't a hundred percent assurance that the prince would hold her hand forever. After all, they both have their own lives. They have their own duties. They aren't supposed to spend every minute together.
I would totally be honest this time. Though I say that I am strong and that no one can hurt me, the truth is, I am being constantly hurt. I am hurting every single moment that the truth would sink into me. You, coming back here, was the most anticipated event for me. I looked forward to it more than I looked forward for my own birthday. I was dumbfounded when I came to realize that I won't be seeing you for more than a day, after all. Yes, it hurts. The pain actually never leaves. I changed my wallpaper just so I wouldn't feel hurt every time I would see our picture, I tend to keep myself busy, I stay online for hours, opening up conversations with different people just to fill up the throbbing part of my heart. In the end, my eyes would still sting and tears would eventually flow down my cheeks.
It is an unimaginable pain and what makes it even worse is that I am never getting used to it. Or maybe, I'm stopping myself from getting used to it. I would wake up every morning and feel miserable knowing that it would be a miracle if there would be a message from you. Funny as it may sound, I still wait. I wait every single minute. Every tick of the clock is like a stab to my heart. I would force myself to sleep in the afternoons just so I would stop myself from being frustrated more. When my phone beeps, I would hurry up to check it because a big part of me knows that it's you. Yes, it's frustrating to see the name of someone else. It's frustrating,it hurts a damn hell of a lot and I hate it. However, I never get tired. I would go back into waiting.
I always tell you that you're never at fault. It's true. It's not your fault that I wait. It's completely mine. I never learn and that's the problem. I know that you are busy yet a strong hope still flares through my insides. I keep wanting to have your time. And that's one thing that I learned, too. I can't be selfish. I should learn to let go of my strong desire to spend the remaining days of your stay here with you. Mainly because you have your hands full already and partly because I know that it just wouldn't happen.
I woke up this morning and the most heartbreaking thought entered my mind as soon as I opened my eyes. You are leaving tomorrow and I'm afraid I won't get to say goodbye.
I was never good with farewells and the fact that I never got to see you go makes it a hundred times worse. We're getting colder everyday and I don't even know when I'll get to see you again. Or, if I'll ever see you again. I am saying this because the decision would always depend on you. I have said it a hundred times before. I won't quit.
I had been crying my eyes out for the past couple of days and I'm wondering how long it'll take for my tears to finally come to a complete stop. I am neither liking nor hating this. That's what's making me feel totally lost. I just want to stay with you. Mushy and stupid, yes, but it's the truth. The pain is actually nothing compared to the happiness that I feel when I receive even the shortest text message from you. :)
Like a princess hanging desperately for her life on a cliff, she'll always picture herself being rescued by her handsome prince. She knows that she can go up and save her life on her own but, she'll wait nonetheless. She has been spending eternity dreaming of holding her saviour's hands and living happily ever after with him. But, no one can predict the future. Yes, she'll meet her prince but, there isn't a hundred percent assurance that the prince would hold her hand forever. After all, they both have their own lives. They have their own duties. They aren't supposed to spend every minute together.
I would totally be honest this time. Though I say that I am strong and that no one can hurt me, the truth is, I am being constantly hurt. I am hurting every single moment that the truth would sink into me. You, coming back here, was the most anticipated event for me. I looked forward to it more than I looked forward for my own birthday. I was dumbfounded when I came to realize that I won't be seeing you for more than a day, after all. Yes, it hurts. The pain actually never leaves. I changed my wallpaper just so I wouldn't feel hurt every time I would see our picture, I tend to keep myself busy, I stay online for hours, opening up conversations with different people just to fill up the throbbing part of my heart. In the end, my eyes would still sting and tears would eventually flow down my cheeks.
It is an unimaginable pain and what makes it even worse is that I am never getting used to it. Or maybe, I'm stopping myself from getting used to it. I would wake up every morning and feel miserable knowing that it would be a miracle if there would be a message from you. Funny as it may sound, I still wait. I wait every single minute. Every tick of the clock is like a stab to my heart. I would force myself to sleep in the afternoons just so I would stop myself from being frustrated more. When my phone beeps, I would hurry up to check it because a big part of me knows that it's you. Yes, it's frustrating to see the name of someone else. It's frustrating,it hurts a damn hell of a lot and I hate it. However, I never get tired. I would go back into waiting.
I always tell you that you're never at fault. It's true. It's not your fault that I wait. It's completely mine. I never learn and that's the problem. I know that you are busy yet a strong hope still flares through my insides. I keep wanting to have your time. And that's one thing that I learned, too. I can't be selfish. I should learn to let go of my strong desire to spend the remaining days of your stay here with you. Mainly because you have your hands full already and partly because I know that it just wouldn't happen.
I woke up this morning and the most heartbreaking thought entered my mind as soon as I opened my eyes. You are leaving tomorrow and I'm afraid I won't get to say goodbye.
I was never good with farewells and the fact that I never got to see you go makes it a hundred times worse. We're getting colder everyday and I don't even know when I'll get to see you again. Or, if I'll ever see you again. I am saying this because the decision would always depend on you. I have said it a hundred times before. I won't quit.
I had been crying my eyes out for the past couple of days and I'm wondering how long it'll take for my tears to finally come to a complete stop. I am neither liking nor hating this. That's what's making me feel totally lost. I just want to stay with you. Mushy and stupid, yes, but it's the truth. The pain is actually nothing compared to the happiness that I feel when I receive even the shortest text message from you. :)
Friday, March 27, 2009
BOO! He's gone.
Of all the times that he said BOO, I never had been surprised. Partly because I know that he's just there and that I have full trust in him. I trust that he'll never leave without saying goodbye.
It never even crossed my mind that the only way on how he'll successfully surprise me is by saying that he'll wait but end up not coming back.
I don't know if he just got disconnected or if this is the part that I've been dreading. He told me a while ago that he won't get to talk to me for a few days or weeks for some reason ( I don't feel like elaborating it).
I feel very bad about it. I wish for tears to come instead of this intense pain. I feel really uncomfortable. I'm having trouble breathing and it seems as if I'm lost. I feel so bad that I am having trouble finishing this blog entry.
---
Talking to him is an addiction. MY addiction. It has become my habit. There hasn't been a day since February 18 (first chat date) when I never got to talk to him. I never had enough time to ready myself for this. Mainly because I never tried to. I don't want a day to pass without talking to him.
And now, it's morning already. 3:55 am to be exact. I'm resisting sleep. I don't want to sleep soundly tonight and wake up all miserable tomorrow. Once something has become a habit, it isn't easy to forget it. I would wake up tomorrow and feel twice as miserable as how I'm feeling today. Why? because tomorrow, if ever I sleep tonight, the first thing that I'll do is to open my computer just to see him offline. I wouldn't find the offline message that I've been hoping for. And what's worse is that he wouldn't be online for the whole day. I wouldn't get to see him sleep, I wouldn't hear his voice. There isn't anything to look forward to.
It's exactly like being dumped.
Only the pain is a little more intense because you know that he's still yours only you don't get to talk to him. And I hate missing people, especially him.
I always say that change is adaptable. That change is everywhere and that we should always be ready to face whatever lies ahead of us. But, I don't think I could think like that to him. He's literally everywhere.
His picture is my mobile phone and laptop's wallpaper.
He's on my Skype, Yahoo Messenger, Friendster and Facebook's friends list.
Also, he's always on my mind. No matter where I go, there's always something that's bound to remind me of him.
I am worried of the possible events that this space might bring us. What if, by the time that he gets his net connection back, he had grown accustomed to the space between us? What if he had been so detached to me that we would be back to being JUST friends?
I have full trust in him that the last thing that I would do is to let go. I would hold on to him, even if what's left for now is just mere memories.
I couldn't wait for the day when I'll get to receive a message from him again. I HATE waiting, I really do. But, he's the exception. I'll wait for him no matter how long it takes for him to take back that net connection. :]
--loveyouFOREVERpeach. :] keep safe.
It never even crossed my mind that the only way on how he'll successfully surprise me is by saying that he'll wait but end up not coming back.
I don't know if he just got disconnected or if this is the part that I've been dreading. He told me a while ago that he won't get to talk to me for a few days or weeks for some reason ( I don't feel like elaborating it).
I feel very bad about it. I wish for tears to come instead of this intense pain. I feel really uncomfortable. I'm having trouble breathing and it seems as if I'm lost. I feel so bad that I am having trouble finishing this blog entry.
---
Talking to him is an addiction. MY addiction. It has become my habit. There hasn't been a day since February 18 (first chat date) when I never got to talk to him. I never had enough time to ready myself for this. Mainly because I never tried to. I don't want a day to pass without talking to him.
And now, it's morning already. 3:55 am to be exact. I'm resisting sleep. I don't want to sleep soundly tonight and wake up all miserable tomorrow. Once something has become a habit, it isn't easy to forget it. I would wake up tomorrow and feel twice as miserable as how I'm feeling today. Why? because tomorrow, if ever I sleep tonight, the first thing that I'll do is to open my computer just to see him offline. I wouldn't find the offline message that I've been hoping for. And what's worse is that he wouldn't be online for the whole day. I wouldn't get to see him sleep, I wouldn't hear his voice. There isn't anything to look forward to.
It's exactly like being dumped.
Only the pain is a little more intense because you know that he's still yours only you don't get to talk to him. And I hate missing people, especially him.
I always say that change is adaptable. That change is everywhere and that we should always be ready to face whatever lies ahead of us. But, I don't think I could think like that to him. He's literally everywhere.
His picture is my mobile phone and laptop's wallpaper.
He's on my Skype, Yahoo Messenger, Friendster and Facebook's friends list.
Also, he's always on my mind. No matter where I go, there's always something that's bound to remind me of him.
I am worried of the possible events that this space might bring us. What if, by the time that he gets his net connection back, he had grown accustomed to the space between us? What if he had been so detached to me that we would be back to being JUST friends?
I have full trust in him that the last thing that I would do is to let go. I would hold on to him, even if what's left for now is just mere memories.
I couldn't wait for the day when I'll get to receive a message from him again. I HATE waiting, I really do. But, he's the exception. I'll wait for him no matter how long it takes for him to take back that net connection. :]
--loveyouFOREVERpeach. :] keep safe.
A rag doll's thoughts.
CAKES AND FRUITS.
Something's bugging me.
Ok. It's not really just SOMETHING.
Well, I have a lot of questions that I always have wanted to ask. However, I am always short of courage. I just can't put myself into asking the questions that has been bugging me.
For one thing.
Why does a cake has to be a whole lot sweeter than a fruit?
Haha.
I am not one to admit my feelings but, I can't help it. I think that the difference between the sweetness is quite obvious. :D But I guess that's just a part of me being weird.
---
This is how I imagined this blog entry to be. Just full of questions and well, drama- free. But well, everyone's bound to have a hard time on something.
People have feelings and I believe that no matter how strong they say they are, they'll end up bursting out their kept emotions and insights sooner or later. And well, I guess it's my time now.
I am not one to talk about girly stuffs to everyone. I have my girlfriends for that matter. What I am when I am hurt is closed between me and my girlfriends' conversations. I like to keep the I-am-always-okay aura in order for me to control myself and not to end up crying my eyes out anywhere, anytime.
I finally learned that it is not the best solution. Not for me, at least. My mind is being pretty overflowing at the moment. It's just not spacious enough for new emotions right now and, well, I think that I have to ease out some of it before I finally end up breaking down which is the worst thing that could happen.
So, here it goes.
When I started using ragdoll as a nickname over Plurk, I was thinking of what possible explanation could there be for me to be qualified enough to call myself as a rag doll. I wasn't able to think of any reason that moment but I used the name anyway. Now, I already have the reason and I am pretty confident that that reason is all I need to justify myself for picking out that name.
A rag doll is a best friend. She would always be loyal to whoever owns her. Pour out your heart to her and you could be a hundred percent sure that the secret would always be kept in her.
Ignore her.
Say harsh words to her.
Leave her alone all day.
At the end of the day she would still welcome you with that warm smile. That permanent smile.
If her owner have problems, he'll cry to her and hug her. But...
A rag doll could not hug him back no matter how much she wants to. She would always dream about holding his hand. But, being a rag doll, her fingers were stitched together and all that she could do is to wait for him to hold hers instead.
When her owner is asleep, she would always fantasize to touch his cheeks. She'll end up wishing for him to switch positions while he sleeps just for her to have the chance to touch him if his cheeks would come near her hand.
She would always get jealous of his old Barbie dolls. She always envied them for being pretty.
Shiny hair, perfect body.
Everything that his owner would ever dream of.
While she spends eternity in that body made out of scraps.
That untidy yarn hair.
That fat body.
Not to mention the shaggy dress that has been destined for her forever.
No wonder her owner spent so much time with them. He combs their hair and changes their fancy clothes.
He shows the world his Barbie dolls.
A rag doll would always keep her emotions to herself. Her mouth is stitched out to that permanent smile that she can't even say the four words that means everything to her to the whole world.
I love him forever.
She could only show it to him by always being there. Because a rag doll would never let go. She'll stay with her owner even if she gets dumped in the farthest place under his bed. She'll stay with him even if he has grown old enough to let go of toys.
She'll always have that smile and those two shiny black buttons for her eyes. She'll always have her hands spread out into a hug. It's a look that shows how happy she is being with her owner.
She can't demand things from her owner no matter how much she wants to. Maybe because a person would never hear a rag doll's voice. She can't ask him to treat her like a Barbie doll because a rag doll is way too different.
A rag doll , unlike Barbie dolls, is home -made. It is carefully done by hands. The needle would prick the maker's fingers from time to time. The maker's hardwork pours out a soul towards a rag doll. That's why a rag doll, unlike Barbie dolls which are made out of plastics, can feel. They have soft bodies for a purpose. To allow their owners to hug them for as long as they want to.
Do you know what's the only thing that a rag doll wants?
It's definitely not a heart. Because a rag doll does not need a heart to know that she loves her owner so much. The pieces of scraps in her body wiggles at the mere sound of his voice.
It's a mouth. Because a rag doll can't speak. She just thinks. She wants to let go of that permanent smile even just for one night. She just wants to say out loud the 4 words and to have two questions answered.
If someone asks her who she loves most, what should she answer? Pet name or her owner's real name?
If someone asks her owner who she is, would his answer be just rag doll?
Something's bugging me.
Ok. It's not really just SOMETHING.
Well, I have a lot of questions that I always have wanted to ask. However, I am always short of courage. I just can't put myself into asking the questions that has been bugging me.
For one thing.
Why does a cake has to be a whole lot sweeter than a fruit?
Haha.
I am not one to admit my feelings but, I can't help it. I think that the difference between the sweetness is quite obvious. :D But I guess that's just a part of me being weird.
---
This is how I imagined this blog entry to be. Just full of questions and well, drama- free. But well, everyone's bound to have a hard time on something.
People have feelings and I believe that no matter how strong they say they are, they'll end up bursting out their kept emotions and insights sooner or later. And well, I guess it's my time now.
I am not one to talk about girly stuffs to everyone. I have my girlfriends for that matter. What I am when I am hurt is closed between me and my girlfriends' conversations. I like to keep the I-am-always-okay aura in order for me to control myself and not to end up crying my eyes out anywhere, anytime.
I finally learned that it is not the best solution. Not for me, at least. My mind is being pretty overflowing at the moment. It's just not spacious enough for new emotions right now and, well, I think that I have to ease out some of it before I finally end up breaking down which is the worst thing that could happen.
So, here it goes.
When I started using ragdoll as a nickname over Plurk, I was thinking of what possible explanation could there be for me to be qualified enough to call myself as a rag doll. I wasn't able to think of any reason that moment but I used the name anyway. Now, I already have the reason and I am pretty confident that that reason is all I need to justify myself for picking out that name.
A rag doll is a best friend. She would always be loyal to whoever owns her. Pour out your heart to her and you could be a hundred percent sure that the secret would always be kept in her.
Ignore her.
Say harsh words to her.
Leave her alone all day.
At the end of the day she would still welcome you with that warm smile. That permanent smile.
If her owner have problems, he'll cry to her and hug her. But...
A rag doll could not hug him back no matter how much she wants to. She would always dream about holding his hand. But, being a rag doll, her fingers were stitched together and all that she could do is to wait for him to hold hers instead.
When her owner is asleep, she would always fantasize to touch his cheeks. She'll end up wishing for him to switch positions while he sleeps just for her to have the chance to touch him if his cheeks would come near her hand.
She would always get jealous of his old Barbie dolls. She always envied them for being pretty.
Shiny hair, perfect body.
Everything that his owner would ever dream of.
While she spends eternity in that body made out of scraps.
That untidy yarn hair.
That fat body.
Not to mention the shaggy dress that has been destined for her forever.
No wonder her owner spent so much time with them. He combs their hair and changes their fancy clothes.
He shows the world his Barbie dolls.
A rag doll would always keep her emotions to herself. Her mouth is stitched out to that permanent smile that she can't even say the four words that means everything to her to the whole world.
I love him forever.
She could only show it to him by always being there. Because a rag doll would never let go. She'll stay with her owner even if she gets dumped in the farthest place under his bed. She'll stay with him even if he has grown old enough to let go of toys.
She'll always have that smile and those two shiny black buttons for her eyes. She'll always have her hands spread out into a hug. It's a look that shows how happy she is being with her owner.
She can't demand things from her owner no matter how much she wants to. Maybe because a person would never hear a rag doll's voice. She can't ask him to treat her like a Barbie doll because a rag doll is way too different.
A rag doll , unlike Barbie dolls, is home -made. It is carefully done by hands. The needle would prick the maker's fingers from time to time. The maker's hardwork pours out a soul towards a rag doll. That's why a rag doll, unlike Barbie dolls which are made out of plastics, can feel. They have soft bodies for a purpose. To allow their owners to hug them for as long as they want to.
Do you know what's the only thing that a rag doll wants?
It's definitely not a heart. Because a rag doll does not need a heart to know that she loves her owner so much. The pieces of scraps in her body wiggles at the mere sound of his voice.
It's a mouth. Because a rag doll can't speak. She just thinks. She wants to let go of that permanent smile even just for one night. She just wants to say out loud the 4 words and to have two questions answered.
If someone asks her who she loves most, what should she answer? Pet name or her owner's real name?
If someone asks her owner who she is, would his answer be just rag doll?
Friendster About Me. :]
I am Jessica.
My parents sentenced me to 11 years of imprisonment in Saint Paul College of Paranaque, an exclusive all-girls school.
I am currently taking up BS Biology in the University of Santo Tomas and I don't know what I was thinking when I took that up. I always pictured myself being a successful doctor when I was young, that's the only way on how I justify it. But, I also want to be a journalist. A writer. Any other profession which includes writing as the main work sounds very appealing to me.
---
I am half girly and half not so girly.I like pink. I wear skirts and dresses. Heels are always in for me. I use cosmetics. The man that I love is capable of hurting me.
BUT
I also like black. Jeans and shirts are cool with me. I highly think that sneakers are convenient. I tend to look wasted at times and, I don't mess up my life because my heart was broken. One cry and probably a bottle or two is enough.
---
I don't do drugs. It's just not in for me. I could mess up my life on my own if I want to. There's no need for me to look and act stupid. Besides, I don't want to end up hurting the ones whom I love.
I don't smoke. I just don't want to. I don't like the smell and I find it really troublesome. How can both of your hands function if you have a cigar on one of your hands, right? Also, I am a really clumsy girl. I don't want to end up burning my companion. Most of all, I don't want to die of lung cancer.
---
Love.
I don't really know what love is. I don't think I'm even capable of being sweet. I only say 'I love you' whenever I mean it. And I am the only one who knows if I really do mean it because I feel it.
I think love is when you go home straight, talk to him and end up laughing by yourself from the simplest joke that he shares. It is when he calls you through Skype and you know right then, from the moment that his face would appear and you get to look at his eyes, that you just don't like or want him but you need him. :]
My parents sentenced me to 11 years of imprisonment in Saint Paul College of Paranaque, an exclusive all-girls school.
I am currently taking up BS Biology in the University of Santo Tomas and I don't know what I was thinking when I took that up. I always pictured myself being a successful doctor when I was young, that's the only way on how I justify it. But, I also want to be a journalist. A writer. Any other profession which includes writing as the main work sounds very appealing to me.
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I am half girly and half not so girly.I like pink. I wear skirts and dresses. Heels are always in for me. I use cosmetics. The man that I love is capable of hurting me.
BUT
I also like black. Jeans and shirts are cool with me. I highly think that sneakers are convenient. I tend to look wasted at times and, I don't mess up my life because my heart was broken. One cry and probably a bottle or two is enough.
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I don't do drugs. It's just not in for me. I could mess up my life on my own if I want to. There's no need for me to look and act stupid. Besides, I don't want to end up hurting the ones whom I love.
I don't smoke. I just don't want to. I don't like the smell and I find it really troublesome. How can both of your hands function if you have a cigar on one of your hands, right? Also, I am a really clumsy girl. I don't want to end up burning my companion. Most of all, I don't want to die of lung cancer.
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Love.
I don't really know what love is. I don't think I'm even capable of being sweet. I only say 'I love you' whenever I mean it. And I am the only one who knows if I really do mean it because I feel it.
I think love is when you go home straight, talk to him and end up laughing by yourself from the simplest joke that he shares. It is when he calls you through Skype and you know right then, from the moment that his face would appear and you get to look at his eyes, that you just don't like or want him but you need him. :]
Heartbreaks and letter.
A simple girl's letter to a perfect guy.
Choices. We all have choices.We decide on our own, just like the fact that I chose to like you despite obvious obstacles. It's funny how I end up not being able to write this as smoothly as my previous blog entries when in fact, everything that I have on my mind is strangely connected to you. Lately, you've been the hot topic on my mind. It's always about you.
My emotions are overflowing. I want to cry, to laugh and to shout out loud.
I want to run away and never show myself to you ever again but, a stronger part of me pictures myself running away with you.
I don't even know myself now. I used to be really transparent over everything. I cry when I'm sad, I laugh when I'm happy. Now, I laugh though every bit of me hurts and I pretend to be happy though my heart is being continually punctured by you.
My intentions are clear towards you. I want to like you and I am ASSUMING that you like me, too. I am falling deeper while you are having the time of your life playing. What's funny is that it does not matter to me.Go play. Just let me like you. Maybe, by the time that the game's finally over for you, I've already learned to love you. That's okay. There's always more than enough alcohol for me and the rashes from it are really tolerable. It numbs the heart burn for a little while.
I'll get drunk, kiss my girlfriends and sleep.
When I wake up, I'll have a severe headache and my heart would beat fast as your face would pop up on my mind as it always does every morning when I wake up. I'll go home straight just so I could still have a little talk with you before you have your afternoon nap.
I always love chatting with you. I'll go straight home from school just to wait for you to buzz me or something. Sometimes, I'll be oh so excited to come home just to find out that your internet connection bailed out on you and that we wouldn't be able to talk after all. It crushes my heart everytime, but you know what? It doesn't matter to me. I always understand you. I'm just happy doing it. There's always tomorrow, right?
I dread mornings. I never know what's going to happen. I guess I just don't like the idea of you being out of my life.I guess I've just grown accustomed to talking to you everyday and I can't picture myself doing something else on the range of times that I should've been talking to you.
You were never one to share your private life to me. I don't even know how many ex- girlfriends you ever had. Damn, I don't even know your REAL whole name. But, as always. I don't care. I just like talking to you anyway.
I don't like to demand things from you because what we are is actually a big blur to me. IT DOESN'T MATTER, THOUGH. I still love you, anyway. :)
Choices. We all have choices.We decide on our own, just like the fact that I chose to like you despite obvious obstacles. It's funny how I end up not being able to write this as smoothly as my previous blog entries when in fact, everything that I have on my mind is strangely connected to you. Lately, you've been the hot topic on my mind. It's always about you.
My emotions are overflowing. I want to cry, to laugh and to shout out loud.
I want to run away and never show myself to you ever again but, a stronger part of me pictures myself running away with you.
I don't even know myself now. I used to be really transparent over everything. I cry when I'm sad, I laugh when I'm happy. Now, I laugh though every bit of me hurts and I pretend to be happy though my heart is being continually punctured by you.
My intentions are clear towards you. I want to like you and I am ASSUMING that you like me, too. I am falling deeper while you are having the time of your life playing. What's funny is that it does not matter to me.Go play. Just let me like you. Maybe, by the time that the game's finally over for you, I've already learned to love you. That's okay. There's always more than enough alcohol for me and the rashes from it are really tolerable. It numbs the heart burn for a little while.
I'll get drunk, kiss my girlfriends and sleep.
When I wake up, I'll have a severe headache and my heart would beat fast as your face would pop up on my mind as it always does every morning when I wake up. I'll go home straight just so I could still have a little talk with you before you have your afternoon nap.
I always love chatting with you. I'll go straight home from school just to wait for you to buzz me or something. Sometimes, I'll be oh so excited to come home just to find out that your internet connection bailed out on you and that we wouldn't be able to talk after all. It crushes my heart everytime, but you know what? It doesn't matter to me. I always understand you. I'm just happy doing it. There's always tomorrow, right?
I dread mornings. I never know what's going to happen. I guess I just don't like the idea of you being out of my life.I guess I've just grown accustomed to talking to you everyday and I can't picture myself doing something else on the range of times that I should've been talking to you.
You were never one to share your private life to me. I don't even know how many ex- girlfriends you ever had. Damn, I don't even know your REAL whole name. But, as always. I don't care. I just like talking to you anyway.
I don't like to demand things from you because what we are is actually a big blur to me. IT DOESN'T MATTER, THOUGH. I still love you, anyway. :)
Thursday, March 26, 2009
When the best friend got envious.
Is your closest friend envious of your fabulous life?
Does she secretly take joy out of your miseries and ends up giving you fake pieces of advice?
Does she invent stories behind your back?
I just finished reading the first book of Gossip Girl and, well, I only have one question regarding the whole book.
If you have a close friend and you're together for, like, forever, is one of you really bound to get jealous of the other?
Well, yes I think I agree.
Don't ask me why. I won't give you details or proofs. Just the assurance that I have a really good reason to believe it.
One of you would always be jealous of how the other gets to be more popular than you are. And, it's no question why she does. You're together everywhere. You spend lots of time together and you explore new stuffs and places at the same time YET, the other always gets the more attention.
One would always see the ugly stuffs against the other no matter how many people compliments her. In the end, the envious part of the other would result into inventing nasty things against her so-called best friend.
And a lot more treacherous stuffs.
Well, it's a girl thing. Everyone's bound to take part in the bitchy side of the world.
Only, taking part in it and managing to stay cool is difficult.
You can't share the same spot with the one whom you are going against. The other would be the it- girl and the other would always be just the wanna-be who's bound to be trying to steal the spotlight all her life.
It's all just a matter of courage and confidence.
Always bear in mind that a useless person could always be replaced. The world has a lot of people in it for a reason.
You just have to take one courageous step forward and start looking for the right people for you. Leave the useless things behind. Let them have fun with their kind.
Exactly like what Serena did in the story.
--Blog entry inspired by the novel Gossip Girl by Cecily Von Ziegesar. (Let's not take credit for what other people worked hard for. NO TO PLAGIARISM)
Does she secretly take joy out of your miseries and ends up giving you fake pieces of advice?
Does she invent stories behind your back?
I just finished reading the first book of Gossip Girl and, well, I only have one question regarding the whole book.
If you have a close friend and you're together for, like, forever, is one of you really bound to get jealous of the other?
Well, yes I think I agree.
Don't ask me why. I won't give you details or proofs. Just the assurance that I have a really good reason to believe it.
One of you would always be jealous of how the other gets to be more popular than you are. And, it's no question why she does. You're together everywhere. You spend lots of time together and you explore new stuffs and places at the same time YET, the other always gets the more attention.
One would always see the ugly stuffs against the other no matter how many people compliments her. In the end, the envious part of the other would result into inventing nasty things against her so-called best friend.
And a lot more treacherous stuffs.
Well, it's a girl thing. Everyone's bound to take part in the bitchy side of the world.
Only, taking part in it and managing to stay cool is difficult.
You can't share the same spot with the one whom you are going against. The other would be the it- girl and the other would always be just the wanna-be who's bound to be trying to steal the spotlight all her life.
It's all just a matter of courage and confidence.
Always bear in mind that a useless person could always be replaced. The world has a lot of people in it for a reason.
You just have to take one courageous step forward and start looking for the right people for you. Leave the useless things behind. Let them have fun with their kind.
Exactly like what Serena did in the story.
--Blog entry inspired by the novel Gossip Girl by Cecily Von Ziegesar. (Let's not take credit for what other people worked hard for. NO TO PLAGIARISM)
Silly little truths.
I never spoke against you in any way since we used to have a bond with each other. But, you crossed the line already. It’s bad enough that you left me hanging without you judging me. You never got to know me that much so, I don’t need your judgment. In fact, I don’t need anything from you at all. The part of me that was dying hard just to impress you before was long gone and I’m proud to say that I have moved on already. I wanted to be a friend of yours since 2 of your friends are my friends, too. But, I don’t know what’s in your head that barricades that idea. I mean, c’mon. You said it yourself. We just aren’t for each other. So, let’s live life as we used to before we had our relationship. We don’t need connections with each other. Surely, neither of us would die if we do that, right? So, stop thinking that everything that I wrote and would write is always about YOU. FYI, you’re not my only ex and I don’t care about your life anymore because if I still do, I would have been sending you silly text messages like what I used to do, right?
I’ll make this clear. What I’m saying is that, just because I can’t get over you before, that doesn’t mean that I still love you now. Just because my world used to revolve around you don’t mean that, when we broke up, my world exploded, too and all the tiny pieces was left in you. In fact, my world chose to revolve to someone else.
The last time that we got to see each other, I showed you this quote:
If two past lovers remain as friends, it’s either they are still in love, or they never were.
You asked me which of the two categories I think we belong. And, I never got to give an answer. Now, I think I know where. We never were in love with each other. I was the only one who was in love with you that time.
So, let’s do things as we want it to. Let’s try not to mind each other and let’s stay as far from each other as possible. That way, you could control yourself to not think that I’m always pin-pointing about you. That could also lessen your improper violent reactions and that could also save me the trouble of writing another blog entry about you.
And another thing, I didn’t change. I’ve always been mean to people who’s bad to me. If you haven’t seen that side of me before, well, that’s not my problem. I’ve always been like this. Being mean doesn’t make me less of a girl. I got hurt, too when we broke up so, stop messing with me now, when I’m as good as when you first met me. I’m perfectly happy and contented with my boyfriend now so, you should, too with your girlfriend.
P.S. I told you that if you say I’m bad, what do you think of guys that leave their girlfriends, like you? They’re just as bad as mean people like me. Let’s stop pretending like we still have a chance with each other because, there isn’t. I figured it out long before you did.
--late post. Written over a year ago.
I’ll make this clear. What I’m saying is that, just because I can’t get over you before, that doesn’t mean that I still love you now. Just because my world used to revolve around you don’t mean that, when we broke up, my world exploded, too and all the tiny pieces was left in you. In fact, my world chose to revolve to someone else.
The last time that we got to see each other, I showed you this quote:
If two past lovers remain as friends, it’s either they are still in love, or they never were.
You asked me which of the two categories I think we belong. And, I never got to give an answer. Now, I think I know where. We never were in love with each other. I was the only one who was in love with you that time.
So, let’s do things as we want it to. Let’s try not to mind each other and let’s stay as far from each other as possible. That way, you could control yourself to not think that I’m always pin-pointing about you. That could also lessen your improper violent reactions and that could also save me the trouble of writing another blog entry about you.
And another thing, I didn’t change. I’ve always been mean to people who’s bad to me. If you haven’t seen that side of me before, well, that’s not my problem. I’ve always been like this. Being mean doesn’t make me less of a girl. I got hurt, too when we broke up so, stop messing with me now, when I’m as good as when you first met me. I’m perfectly happy and contented with my boyfriend now so, you should, too with your girlfriend.
P.S. I told you that if you say I’m bad, what do you think of guys that leave their girlfriends, like you? They’re just as bad as mean people like me. Let’s stop pretending like we still have a chance with each other because, there isn’t. I figured it out long before you did.
--late post. Written over a year ago.
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
It's getting a little freaky.
Lately, I have been receiving a lot of views from unknown people here in Multiply. Mostly, they are guys and about 80% of them are photographers. What's weirder is that they don't just come from the Philippines. They come from all over the world. And it makes me wonder how they got to drop by my site; Where they heard it from or in where did they see it.
I'm pretty sure that I don't have porn pictures anywhere because, unlike Dianne Sena, I'm no slut, and so I don't think that their main purpose in viewing my site is to hire me as their next big porn star. Besides, they have pretty decent sites so I doubt that they are just fake people. Also, they are not connected to any of my friends here and, they are not my friends over Plurk so, it's really a mystery to me on how they got to hear about my site.
It's getting really tiring, posting on their guest books or sending them PM's just to ask them if I know them.
Clearly, I'm neither a flirt nor a snob.
FLIRTS.
Nothing infuriates me more than the mere mention of Dianne's name but, flirts get a little close to that.
I don't add people I don't know. It is clearly stated on my homepage. I'm not one to add people I don't know just for the sake of having a lot of contacts.
Also-
I'm definitely not a flirt to add them just so 'we could be friends'. Partly because, I think people who does that are plain CHEAP and partly because I don't believe in friendships via social networking sites. You just don't know who to trust. :)
I am not a snob, either.
I am almost 18 and, well, I don't remember everyone in the whole 18 years of my life. I met a whole lot of people before whose names I couldn't even remember now. So, if I know you, You MUST introduce yourself. Tell me how I met you. And I'll decide whether to add you up or not.
Don't just pop out of nowhere and start viewing every bit of my page. It's bound to freak out anyone.
I'm pretty sure that I don't have porn pictures anywhere because, unlike Dianne Sena, I'm no slut, and so I don't think that their main purpose in viewing my site is to hire me as their next big porn star. Besides, they have pretty decent sites so I doubt that they are just fake people. Also, they are not connected to any of my friends here and, they are not my friends over Plurk so, it's really a mystery to me on how they got to hear about my site.
It's getting really tiring, posting on their guest books or sending them PM's just to ask them if I know them.
Clearly, I'm neither a flirt nor a snob.
FLIRTS.
Nothing infuriates me more than the mere mention of Dianne's name but, flirts get a little close to that.
I don't add people I don't know. It is clearly stated on my homepage. I'm not one to add people I don't know just for the sake of having a lot of contacts.
Also-
I'm definitely not a flirt to add them just so 'we could be friends'. Partly because, I think people who does that are plain CHEAP and partly because I don't believe in friendships via social networking sites. You just don't know who to trust. :)
I am not a snob, either.
I am almost 18 and, well, I don't remember everyone in the whole 18 years of my life. I met a whole lot of people before whose names I couldn't even remember now. So, if I know you, You MUST introduce yourself. Tell me how I met you. And I'll decide whether to add you up or not.
Don't just pop out of nowhere and start viewing every bit of my page. It's bound to freak out anyone.
Sunday, February 01, 2009
BitchyJessica.
Multiply site about me:
This is my site and you're free to view this anytime. That is- if you are on my contacts list.
Blog entries, photo captions and the likes are all from me. Please stop stealing them. I don't add up people I don't know. I only add strangers who know my close friends or- if I think that they are cool enough to be added.
I AM A MEAN GIRL. THIS SITE ALMOST ALWAYS CONTAINS MEANNESS.
I don't like losers. I'm telling it straight out. I think that being a loser is contagious so don't bother talking to me if you know to yourself that you're a loser 'cause you definitely won't get a reply.
I don't do drugs. I never smoke. I drink on certain occasions only.
I am not open to criticisms aside from the criticisms of my closest friends who know me best. I can be a real bitch when provoked. Don't make me mad. The degree of my anger never boils down to zero.
I use cosmetics. I wear heels. I prefer skirts over pants. But- that doesn't mean that I am just another ordinary lady. In fact, I win against guys on arm-wrestling games from time to time.I can run the whole UST field in 4:09mins.I can play bass.
--
I read.I listen.I never steal.Go make your own dictionary, I don't care. Just stay away from my works.If you can't put up with any of these then I highly suggest that you go get the hell out of my site.Our views on things are different and we'll just end up having heated arguments .Not that it matters to me, though.I'm just warning you.-Jessica Crisostomo.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Jerksville.
Finally. Something to write about.
I just had an argument with a foreigner over Plurk. Apparently, he, together with his jerk friends, thinks that Filipinos are annoying and irritating. Actually, here are some of the things that they said :
JohnnyRyall
And- He never replied. I don't think he will and honestly, I don't care if he replies or not.
Yes, I know that it was his opinion and that among all the people who posted something about that issue, his was the least racist but, I blame him for not shutting his mouth and keeping his thoughts about Filipinos to himself.
I just had an argument with a foreigner over Plurk. Apparently, he, together with his jerk friends, thinks that Filipinos are annoying and irritating. Actually, here are some of the things that they said :
JohnnyRyall
changed my about me...why am I getting so many responses from 14 year old kids mostly from the Philippines on one plurk in particular
| SixSecretssays | It must be wuv  |
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| bitchyjessicasays | Same here. |
And- He never replied. I don't think he will and honestly, I don't care if he replies or not.
Yes, I know that it was his opinion and that among all the people who posted something about that issue, his was the least racist but, I blame him for not shutting his mouth and keeping his thoughts about Filipinos to himself.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Tear- Jerker.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8VdG8eCxors
STUPID MCDONALD's COMMERCIAL. REALLY SAD. STUPID, YES. BUT IT DOES HAPPEN.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Back off, plagiarist.
Writers have different fields where they excel into. You could see it probably everywhere- in the newspapers particularly and mostly on their blog entries. Maybe it is because they can't expect every single soul in this world to just dwell on the informative stuffs. They're bound to search for something more appealing to them. Gossips, mean stuffs, and the things that could add a little something to their searching minds. Therefore, we decided to have this:http://isipnanakakahon.blogspot.comIt is actually a site that is continually being worked on by five contributors, including me. What we want is to have a blog site where the five of us could write whatever we wish to. Therefore, in this site, you could freely read the thoughts of 5 different individuals, written in their own genres.Though everyone might have their own internet connections at home, we cannot expect everyone to have their own multiply accounts or any other social networking sites same us ours. So, we decided to place it all in here. A site where everyone could visit and read what we have in our minds.Just a little reminder, though.We're giving you the freedom to read our posts but, you're not allowed to steal them. If you so badly love our works, quote us. Don't pretend to be good.
Friday, January 09, 2009
cheers for them:)
This is a late post. I'm sorry I wasn't able to finish this sooner.:) for anne.cara.alex.amyll.flor.janna.kat.kat.marian.maine.pleia.ruelin.
Well, it wasn't long ago when I met these people. I never even thought of being able to hang out with them. I wasn't even sure at first if I could ever open up my thoughts for them. Why? simply because I am different from them, mainly because of this: they really do know how to fix themselves. Me? I am more comfortable with the messy hair and oily face that time:)
ANNE: She's on the top of my list because she's the one whom I usually hang out with. Probably because we have the same interests and we share something in common- our attitude. Well, she once said this in our senior year: Anne + Jessica = Hell. I like the way on how she becomes transparent towards her friends, in a way where you won't ever doubt her. Her thoughts, her opinion on things. I love the way on how she becomes really supportive. I think she loves her friends more than she loves anybody else.
CARA: Cara is second on my list because I really am amazed with her. I mean, no offense Cara, but my first impression of her is that she's someone snobbish. Obviously, I was wrong. Most of the things that I said about Anne applies to her, as well. She readily listens to the issues about my life and she gives the right pieces of advice when necessary.
ALEX: One thing that got stuck on my head about Alex is cosmetics. Well, I learned about everything in cosmetics from her. She even does apply cosmetics on my face when we were in our senior year. What's funny is when I remember the times wherein she'll try to curl my lashes but my eyelids won't cooperate. We'll both laugh as soon as my eyes would start to water as she tries to curl my lashes. One more thing about her, she really is easy to get along with, not to mention being close with her. I can't even remember when we started to talk to each other. Haha. Sorry, kokak.:)
AMYLL: Amyll and I were never one to share secrets with each other but we got to be together for a number of times. Well, what I can see of her is that she's someone who values friendship. She has her own set of beliefs which makes her a good person. Someone who knows and shows that she doesn't have to prove anything to anyone.
FLOR: Flor is really beautiful, at the same time, she is someone who has a pure heart. She always has a lot of ideas about almost everything. She is sometimes childish in a good way which is definitely effective in making you smile. She is very open in terms of her ideas and reactions about certain things which helps people to easily understand her.
JANNA: What I remember and miss most about her is her cute, tiny voice. She is very sweet towards everyone and she is very humble despite the fact that everyone knows that she has a lot, financially. She's someone who, I think, would never bail out on her friends.
KAT V: She is someone who gets to joke around no matter how tough a situation is. She's never one to take sides easily thus, it makes her fair. You could always trust her to tell the truth.
KAT B: Kat and I rarely see each other yet, when we were in fourth year high school, we got to be together a couple of times. For me, she's someone who has full confidence in herself, something that you don't see in a lot of women today. It makes her special, planning ahead of time and having enough confidence in herself to know that she'll achieve whatever she planned to.
MARIAN: Marian gets to have a laugh out of everything and, knowing this, everyone would surely enjoy being with her. One thing that I miss most about her is the way on how she hugs me. We used to hug each other a damn lot and it takes some getting used to to have it undone for about 2 years. It's funny when, after you've shared your problems with her, she'll make a laugh out of it and it makes you laugh with her as well.
MAINE: Charmaine is my seatmate on most of my senior year. We've almost shared everything about our lives and we've laughed together with the funny things that our teachers do.I like the way on how she is being transparent to everyone. What you see on her actions is what she really is. She never pretends to be someone she's not.
PLEIA: Pleia really has a strong personality. She rarely gives up on anything. Being our class president when we were in fourth year, she proved that she could handle every student in our class despite the fact that she knows that she can't please everyone. She's one of the people whom I could count to give a good advice anytime.
RUELIN: She is someone whom you can count on to make you smile when you really have to. We have done countless silly stuffs together. Silly, yet it is worth doing. She is someone whom you can trust to never bail on you.
Now I know why it is very easy for us to contact each other and have a little reunion when we want to. I think it is because we share half of the things together and the other parts where we are different, well, that's where we distinguish each other. We accept each other's faults and we respect each other's opinions.
Well, it wasn't long ago when I met these people. I never even thought of being able to hang out with them. I wasn't even sure at first if I could ever open up my thoughts for them. Why? simply because I am different from them, mainly because of this: they really do know how to fix themselves. Me? I am more comfortable with the messy hair and oily face that time:)
ANNE: She's on the top of my list because she's the one whom I usually hang out with. Probably because we have the same interests and we share something in common- our attitude. Well, she once said this in our senior year: Anne + Jessica = Hell. I like the way on how she becomes transparent towards her friends, in a way where you won't ever doubt her. Her thoughts, her opinion on things. I love the way on how she becomes really supportive. I think she loves her friends more than she loves anybody else.
CARA: Cara is second on my list because I really am amazed with her. I mean, no offense Cara, but my first impression of her is that she's someone snobbish. Obviously, I was wrong. Most of the things that I said about Anne applies to her, as well. She readily listens to the issues about my life and she gives the right pieces of advice when necessary.
ALEX: One thing that got stuck on my head about Alex is cosmetics. Well, I learned about everything in cosmetics from her. She even does apply cosmetics on my face when we were in our senior year. What's funny is when I remember the times wherein she'll try to curl my lashes but my eyelids won't cooperate. We'll both laugh as soon as my eyes would start to water as she tries to curl my lashes. One more thing about her, she really is easy to get along with, not to mention being close with her. I can't even remember when we started to talk to each other. Haha. Sorry, kokak.:)
AMYLL: Amyll and I were never one to share secrets with each other but we got to be together for a number of times. Well, what I can see of her is that she's someone who values friendship. She has her own set of beliefs which makes her a good person. Someone who knows and shows that she doesn't have to prove anything to anyone.
FLOR: Flor is really beautiful, at the same time, she is someone who has a pure heart. She always has a lot of ideas about almost everything. She is sometimes childish in a good way which is definitely effective in making you smile. She is very open in terms of her ideas and reactions about certain things which helps people to easily understand her.
JANNA: What I remember and miss most about her is her cute, tiny voice. She is very sweet towards everyone and she is very humble despite the fact that everyone knows that she has a lot, financially. She's someone who, I think, would never bail out on her friends.
KAT V: She is someone who gets to joke around no matter how tough a situation is. She's never one to take sides easily thus, it makes her fair. You could always trust her to tell the truth.
KAT B: Kat and I rarely see each other yet, when we were in fourth year high school, we got to be together a couple of times. For me, she's someone who has full confidence in herself, something that you don't see in a lot of women today. It makes her special, planning ahead of time and having enough confidence in herself to know that she'll achieve whatever she planned to.
MARIAN: Marian gets to have a laugh out of everything and, knowing this, everyone would surely enjoy being with her. One thing that I miss most about her is the way on how she hugs me. We used to hug each other a damn lot and it takes some getting used to to have it undone for about 2 years. It's funny when, after you've shared your problems with her, she'll make a laugh out of it and it makes you laugh with her as well.
MAINE: Charmaine is my seatmate on most of my senior year. We've almost shared everything about our lives and we've laughed together with the funny things that our teachers do.I like the way on how she is being transparent to everyone. What you see on her actions is what she really is. She never pretends to be someone she's not.
PLEIA: Pleia really has a strong personality. She rarely gives up on anything. Being our class president when we were in fourth year, she proved that she could handle every student in our class despite the fact that she knows that she can't please everyone. She's one of the people whom I could count to give a good advice anytime.
RUELIN: She is someone whom you can count on to make you smile when you really have to. We have done countless silly stuffs together. Silly, yet it is worth doing. She is someone whom you can trust to never bail on you.
Now I know why it is very easy for us to contact each other and have a little reunion when we want to. I think it is because we share half of the things together and the other parts where we are different, well, that's where we distinguish each other. We accept each other's faults and we respect each other's opinions.
Sunday, January 04, 2009
yes, a sprinkle is more than enough:)
Sometimes, life gets a little freaky for everyone. Like, suddenly you've turned into something less like you before. One day, you'll just outgrow certain characteristics that had helped you a damn whole lot in the past. People changes. And in that way, they begin to choose the things which they think would suit them best.
We are all different from each other and those differences are what makes this world a good place to stay into. Take, for example, a world wherein all the residences are just saying YES to everything. In my opinion, it is a hundred times worse than a world full of wars.
Going back, we are all different, therefore, no one should ask you to do anything on their behalf. We are free to have our own choices. If, granted our choices, we turn bad in the eyes of others, well, that is one thing that we have to live through. No one who lives in this world right now or ever is perfect in every set of human eyes. Someone would always have something against you, no matter how saint- like you may act.
The greatest solution?
I think it is to set your own rules upon yourself. Perfect every angle of your complicated life before you start messing the complex lives of others.
Live in your own world first. Patch up every tiny hole of your imperfections and, when you're done tidying up your mess, which I doubt would ever happen, then go help patch up the imperfect world of others.
I never really believed that peace would ever be attained anywhere. But maybe, just one big MAYBE, this one little act might be able to spread even just a sprinkle of peace around us. :)
We are all different from each other and those differences are what makes this world a good place to stay into. Take, for example, a world wherein all the residences are just saying YES to everything. In my opinion, it is a hundred times worse than a world full of wars.
Going back, we are all different, therefore, no one should ask you to do anything on their behalf. We are free to have our own choices. If, granted our choices, we turn bad in the eyes of others, well, that is one thing that we have to live through. No one who lives in this world right now or ever is perfect in every set of human eyes. Someone would always have something against you, no matter how saint- like you may act.
The greatest solution?
I think it is to set your own rules upon yourself. Perfect every angle of your complicated life before you start messing the complex lives of others.
Live in your own world first. Patch up every tiny hole of your imperfections and, when you're done tidying up your mess, which I doubt would ever happen, then go help patch up the imperfect world of others.
I never really believed that peace would ever be attained anywhere. But maybe, just one big MAYBE, this one little act might be able to spread even just a sprinkle of peace around us. :)
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
JESSICA's COMPLAINT.
MESSAGE TO MULTIPLY's SERVICE:
Excuse me, as soon as I finish posting images or blogs here in multiply, your 'Verify If You Are Human' alert always bugs me and it's really starting to get on my nerves. I had sent you a message before when this happened to me the first time. I am using Fedora 10 as my operating system and I guess that's the reason why the image can't be viewed. Can't you do anything about this? How can a multiply user like me continue to be a member in this site if this happens most of the time? I can't even finish the things that I am doing because of that stupid alert. Like, it is so bothering since I still have to ask my friend to open my account for me just so I could continue what I was doing. Are you like, insulting me? Asking me repeatedly if I am human! duh.
Excuse me, as soon as I finish posting images or blogs here in multiply, your 'Verify If You Are Human' alert always bugs me and it's really starting to get on my nerves. I had sent you a message before when this happened to me the first time. I am using Fedora 10 as my operating system and I guess that's the reason why the image can't be viewed. Can't you do anything about this? How can a multiply user like me continue to be a member in this site if this happens most of the time? I can't even finish the things that I am doing because of that stupid alert. Like, it is so bothering since I still have to ask my friend to open my account for me just so I could continue what I was doing. Are you like, insulting me? Asking me repeatedly if I am human! duh.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
YES, YOU COULD GO TO JAIL.
As I dropped the coins I so willingly gave to them no matter how wrong it is, I patted their heads and they gave me the most heart-breaking looks. I have half a mind to cry that instant, not to mind the dozens and dozens of people passing behind me who doesn't give any damn about my problem but, I can't. All that was stuck inside my head to think of is this: "I'm going to help them. I'm going to give them a proper home."
I know that my soft spot for animals would always lead me to trouble someday yet, I still won't give up to help each and every animal whom I believe is being maltreated. Just yesterday, while my friend and I were passing a busy street near FEU, our hearts were crushed when we saw two dogs that were being wrongly treated.
These two dogs, being just the typical local dogs here in our country, were sitting on a plastic chair. Of course, their butts definitely wouldn't fit knowing that those chairs were built for the comforts of a human's butt, which is usually smaller than those of these two dogs. Also, their necks were tied to the handles of the chairs that one wrong move of the dogs could trigger their own deaths. As if sitting all day under the direct heat of the sun in a way too small chair for you is not yet enough torture for these dog's idiotic owner, he even asked the dogs to carry baskets in their mouths to ask for alms from the passersby.
I was so down seeing those dogs being treated as if they don't have any rights at all. How could inconsiderate people such as the owner of those dogs be allowed to move freely in our country? My heart failed me. No matter how much I hate to give money to the dogs, for I know that the money would only be for the comfort of their heartless owner, I still gave them coins, hoping against hope that it would somehow help for the dog's meal that night.As I dropped the coins I so willingly gave to them no matter how wrong it is, I patted their heads and they gave me the most heart-breaking looks. I have half a mind to cry that instant, not to mind the dozens and dozens of people passing behind me who doesn't give any damn about my problem but, I can't. All that was stuck inside my head to think of is this: "I'm going to help them. I'm going to give them a proper home."
If only they could speak, I bet when they saw me that afternoon, teary-eyed as I was, they were somehow hopeful that I might be the one to help them. I know it's crazy to believe that but, what would I lose if I would help them, right? They have all the rights in this world as I do.
I immediately sent a report to the president of the Philippine Animal Welfare Society (PAWS) who is my mom's friend. I sent her the details and I am waiting for the time when those dogs would finally fall into the hands of a new loving family where they would be treated as how they should be.
The next time you might want to hurt your pets, especially dogs, just think about this. No matter how many times you push away your dog, look at her and you'll see that she'll do anything just to stay right back to you. They never hold grudges against their masters no matter how unjustly they have been treated.
ANIMAL RIGHTS COULD BE FOUND IN THE REPUBLIC ACT NO. 8485 AN ACT TO PROMOTE ANIMAL WELFARE IN THE PHILIPPINES, OTHERWISE KNOWN AS "THE ANIMAL WELFARE ACT OF 1998".
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