Peach,
Today, same as any other day, I am being a pain in the ass. I was trying to recall when I last gave you a highly possible headache and, guess what? I came up with the answer: yesterday. If we were playing, I would have taken the role of a very bratty little girl and you would have been my father. I'd always want things to go my way and you'd always be there to keep me on the right track. I'd always be the spoiled brat that I am and you'd keep me that way. Only it'd be in a good way. I am spoiled with your love but I should know the boundaries. Should I go over the clearly drawn line between right and wrong, I'd get scolded but NEVER left alone. You'd keep me company through my most rebellious days and you'd reassure me that you won't ever leave me no matter what.
With all the patience that you have been giving me, I was so sure that one day, one big fight is all takes for you to finally reach your limit. I was so sure of that- until you swore to me that you won't ever end this. I know that a swear, though from the word itself, shouldn't be broken, is such a common word nowadays that it is somehow being deprived of it's original meaning. Swears are, like promises, being broken by people of today. But, with all our misunderstandings and all, you proved to me that out of all the things in this world, that swear of yours is something that should take gazillion fights between us before it gets broken.
It pains me that, once again, I'm being impossible. Had I ended up with some selfish guy out there, I would have been left alone with my impossibility and a broken heart. But with you, I am breaking my own heart and probably yours, too, what with my uncanny ability to destroy a supposedly happy talk and all. I do most, if not all, of the destructions in some of our talks with my superb way of thinking. I've been wanting to change that and you have always been with me, patiently waiting for the day when I'll finally be able to outgrow that hellish attitude of mine.
I'm wrong, I know, no matter how often you state that I've done nothing wrong. Knowing that, I just can't sleep soundly. I know that you wouldn't like it much knowing that I've stayed up late for something that has been settled hours ago. I just... I guess I just wanted to ease out some of the guilt that I've been feeling. I know you'll say that I don't have anything to be guilty about. Still, you were tired with your 9am-6pm schedule and all and there I was, showing off my hell-bound way of thinking. It's enough to make anyone fly off their handle. In the first place, you wouldn't have been that tired had you managed to get enough sleep. We both know that you slept for less than 8 hours last night because we were talking.
So with all of those said, I want to apologize. 10 months with you made me familiar with the fact that you rarely take my apologies because according to you, I haven't done anything wrong. Still, let me make up to you by doing this. I haven't been able to compose a new blog entry in a while and I was planning that if ever I'll give writing a go again, my first entry would surely be about you. So here it is.
A while ago, I asked you what you would remember best about me. After you answered it, you asked me the same thing. My answer was on the safe side since I gave out "Everything.". Let me break it down for you. What I'd remember best about you covers up everything that happened from our first talk until now. The basics include your smile, your eyes, your nose, your lips and everything that you possess physically. But, what I'd remember more than those are the things that I've seen you do as my boyfriend. For one thing, I won't forget the fact that you would go as far as to slice my food for me. It's not everyday that people with me would do that. In fact, the only person whom I can remember doing that to me was my mom, when I was still little. The rest of the people whom I've spent eating times with, they don't give a damn even if I break my spoon and fork. I don't take it against them. I don't help them out, either. My point is that I feel special when you do that. Starving or not, you'd still slice my food for me if you see that I'm having a hard time doing it.
Another thing is the fact that you terribly hate reading but when I compose new blog entries, though definitely long and boring, you still read it. And I'd forever be thankful to you for doing that. I don't care if people read my entries or not. What's important for me is that you've read every single word out of it because more than half of my blog entries are about you. You inspire me to write by just existing and you make it almost impossible for me to quit writing by reading my posts.
Girl stuff. You give patience to my stories no matter how much you probably don't care about those stuff. You listen then you'll react. You know every single thing that happens to me everyday. Oftentimes, I think you know me more than all my girlfriends combined. And I'm very grateful that with having you as my boyfriend, you come as a dual package. Boyfriend and best friend combined.
I also would never forget the fact that, though simple as it may sound for you, you were the one who started to call me "peach". You have no idea how much I liked that. I'd much prefer that over the usual honey, baby or whatever's "in" among lovers of today. Why? Simply because for me, it's easy to call anyone sweet stuff but it'd be next to impossible to call anyone else "peach". I'd like to think, though it was highly imaginative of me to do so, that somehow, you won't easily forget me with the peach thingy. No matter where you go, somehow, I am hoping that whenever you see or read anything about peaches, I would always be the one who'll pop up to your mind.
There are dozens more of stuff like this that I won't ever forget about you. The way you always laugh at my silly jokes, the way you send me an instant message from the moment that your web messenger has been signed in, the way you refuse to drop the call while you're studying. Simple things like that always make my day. I know I never thank you for those but believe me, I have that stuck in my mind forever.
Oftentimes, it saddens me to know that with all of your great efforts, I still manage to screw things up. I know it's not easy for you, either, us being in a long distance relationship and all. But believe me, I'd choose the fights anytime as long as I'm with you. It's not easy holding on to me with my screwed up way of thinking but I would have to ask you to wait with me some more. Wait with me as I do my best to outgrow that. Why? Because there's no point in changing if I'm not with you anyway.
I love you forever. I hope you won't quit on me.
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