for mikel.

Maybe things would have been different if he gave me another chance.
I keep on thinking this ever since smoochy came. Ever since I read his comment on our friendster profile. When we broke up, I felt like I’ll never be okay again. I mean, I’ve known him for almost a year and we just lasted for 2 days but, I really did love him. I like to think that I did. I mean, it is because of him that I learned how to wait. I know that he doesn’t text me often but I still wait for the times when my phone beeps and it is his name that would appear. I’ve said the phrase ‘I miss you’ to almost everyone without really meaning it. But whenever I say it to him, I really do mean it.
He asked for a space.
I asked for a break- up.
He agreed.

And that really did crush my heart. I mean, I chose him over my ultimate crush not just because I love him but because I was so sure that we would last for a very long time. I was so sure that he would never leave me. It turned out that I was really, really wrong. And as if dumping me once isn’t enough, he did it twice. After our break- up, I asked him if I could have him back. He clearly said no. Then he added that we just aren’t for each other. It sucks, right?

So there, that ended the most unusual love story I’ve ever known. My Halloween love story.

I can’t believe that it has to take a man, being dumped twice, a lot of tears and many really, really sad nights for me to learn how to really love someone. I don’t blame him, of course. There’s still a part in my past that he owns. A part of my life that I could never erase.

I was his first. I want him to always remember me like that. No other memories. Just a girl whom he once knew who suddenly vanished but whose love always remained in him. In return, I’ll always remember him as the guy who taught me things that no other guy in my past ever had the decency to teach me. That is, in loving someone, you should always be prepared to get hurt. You should also learn how to trust, wait and never take anyone for granted. You would never know until when someone is yours so tell them all the things that you want to say. Don’t keep it all to yourself.

I never got to tell him how much I love him but that is inessential now.

New Year is just hours away and a new man came into my life. I’m now ready to open up my heart again. I do hope that this time it would finally work.

*Never think that just because I have someone new less than 2 months after our break- up, that I never really did love you. As what you’ve said, we just aren’t for each other. I guess fate brought us together to learn the things that we continuously ignore before. I’m glad that I learned all those things from you.

In case you’re wondering, I stopped trying to pick up the fragments of our yesterday because that’ll just hurt me more. At least this way, we parted ways as friends. We’ll always remain as friends. No more, no less. I want it to stay that way.

-for mikel.