In the few days that you were here, I came to learn something crucial. I actually took the painful way into learning it but, it was all worth it. I came to realize that in waiting for something, NEVER trust your imagination for it'll rarely go on exactly how you pictured it.
Like a princess hanging desperately for her life on a cliff, she'll always picture herself being rescued by her handsome prince. She knows that she can go up and save her life on her own but, she'll wait nonetheless. She has been spending eternity dreaming of holding her saviour's hands and living happily ever after with him. But, no one can predict the future. Yes, she'll meet her prince but, there isn't a hundred percent assurance that the prince would hold her hand forever. After all, they both have their own lives. They have their own duties. They aren't supposed to spend every minute together.
I would totally be honest this time. Though I say that I am strong and that no one can hurt me, the truth is, I am being constantly hurt. I am hurting every single moment that the truth would sink into me. You, coming back here, was the most anticipated event for me. I looked forward to it more than I looked forward for my own birthday. I was dumbfounded when I came to realize that I won't be seeing you for more than a day, after all. Yes, it hurts. The pain actually never leaves. I changed my wallpaper just so I wouldn't feel hurt every time I would see our picture, I tend to keep myself busy, I stay online for hours, opening up conversations with different people just to fill up the throbbing part of my heart. In the end, my eyes would still sting and tears would eventually flow down my cheeks.
It is an unimaginable pain and what makes it even worse is that I am never getting used to it. Or maybe, I'm stopping myself from getting used to it. I would wake up every morning and feel miserable knowing that it would be a miracle if there would be a message from you. Funny as it may sound, I still wait. I wait every single minute. Every tick of the clock is like a stab to my heart. I would force myself to sleep in the afternoons just so I would stop myself from being frustrated more. When my phone beeps, I would hurry up to check it because a big part of me knows that it's you. Yes, it's frustrating to see the name of someone else. It's frustrating,it hurts a damn hell of a lot and I hate it. However, I never get tired. I would go back into waiting.
I always tell you that you're never at fault. It's true. It's not your fault that I wait. It's completely mine. I never learn and that's the problem. I know that you are busy yet a strong hope still flares through my insides. I keep wanting to have your time. And that's one thing that I learned, too. I can't be selfish. I should learn to let go of my strong desire to spend the remaining days of your stay here with you. Mainly because you have your hands full already and partly because I know that it just wouldn't happen.
I woke up this morning and the most heartbreaking thought entered my mind as soon as I opened my eyes. You are leaving tomorrow and I'm afraid I won't get to say goodbye.
I was never good with farewells and the fact that I never got to see you go makes it a hundred times worse. We're getting colder everyday and I don't even know when I'll get to see you again. Or, if I'll ever see you again. I am saying this because the decision would always depend on you. I have said it a hundred times before. I won't quit.
I had been crying my eyes out for the past couple of days and I'm wondering how long it'll take for my tears to finally come to a complete stop. I am neither liking nor hating this. That's what's making me feel totally lost. I just want to stay with you. Mushy and stupid, yes, but it's the truth. The pain is actually nothing compared to the happiness that I feel when I receive even the shortest text message from you. :)
