Of all the times that he said BOO, I never had been surprised. Partly because I know that he's just there and that I have full trust in him. I trust that he'll never leave without saying goodbye.
It never even crossed my mind that the only way on how he'll successfully surprise me is by saying that he'll wait but end up not coming back.
I don't know if he just got disconnected or if this is the part that I've been dreading. He told me a while ago that he won't get to talk to me for a few days or weeks for some reason ( I don't feel like elaborating it).
I feel very bad about it. I wish for tears to come instead of this intense pain. I feel really uncomfortable. I'm having trouble breathing and it seems as if I'm lost. I feel so bad that I am having trouble finishing this blog entry.
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Talking to him is an addiction. MY addiction. It has become my habit. There hasn't been a day since February 18 (first chat date) when I never got to talk to him. I never had enough time to ready myself for this. Mainly because I never tried to. I don't want a day to pass without talking to him.
And now, it's morning already. 3:55 am to be exact. I'm resisting sleep. I don't want to sleep soundly tonight and wake up all miserable tomorrow. Once something has become a habit, it isn't easy to forget it. I would wake up tomorrow and feel twice as miserable as how I'm feeling today. Why? because tomorrow, if ever I sleep tonight, the first thing that I'll do is to open my computer just to see him offline. I wouldn't find the offline message that I've been hoping for. And what's worse is that he wouldn't be online for the whole day. I wouldn't get to see him sleep, I wouldn't hear his voice. There isn't anything to look forward to.
It's exactly like being dumped.
Only the pain is a little more intense because you know that he's still yours only you don't get to talk to him. And I hate missing people, especially him.
I always say that change is adaptable. That change is everywhere and that we should always be ready to face whatever lies ahead of us. But, I don't think I could think like that to him. He's literally everywhere.
His picture is my mobile phone and laptop's wallpaper.
He's on my Skype, Yahoo Messenger, Friendster and Facebook's friends list.
Also, he's always on my mind. No matter where I go, there's always something that's bound to remind me of him.
I am worried of the possible events that this space might bring us. What if, by the time that he gets his net connection back, he had grown accustomed to the space between us? What if he had been so detached to me that we would be back to being JUST friends?
I have full trust in him that the last thing that I would do is to let go. I would hold on to him, even if what's left for now is just mere memories.
I couldn't wait for the day when I'll get to receive a message from him again. I HATE waiting, I really do. But, he's the exception. I'll wait for him no matter how long it takes for him to take back that net connection. :]
--loveyouFOREVERpeach. :] keep safe.
