CAKES AND FRUITS.
Something's bugging me.
Ok. It's not really just SOMETHING.
Well, I have a lot of questions that I always have wanted to ask. However, I am always short of courage. I just can't put myself into asking the questions that has been bugging me.
For one thing.
Why does a cake has to be a whole lot sweeter than a fruit?
Haha.
I am not one to admit my feelings but, I can't help it. I think that the difference between the sweetness is quite obvious. :D But I guess that's just a part of me being weird.
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This is how I imagined this blog entry to be. Just full of questions and well, drama- free. But well, everyone's bound to have a hard time on something.
People have feelings and I believe that no matter how strong they say they are, they'll end up bursting out their kept emotions and insights sooner or later. And well, I guess it's my time now.
I am not one to talk about girly stuffs to everyone. I have my girlfriends for that matter. What I am when I am hurt is closed between me and my girlfriends' conversations. I like to keep the I-am-always-okay aura in order for me to control myself and not to end up crying my eyes out anywhere, anytime.
I finally learned that it is not the best solution. Not for me, at least. My mind is being pretty overflowing at the moment. It's just not spacious enough for new emotions right now and, well, I think that I have to ease out some of it before I finally end up breaking down which is the worst thing that could happen.
So, here it goes.
When I started using ragdoll as a nickname over Plurk, I was thinking of what possible explanation could there be for me to be qualified enough to call myself as a rag doll. I wasn't able to think of any reason that moment but I used the name anyway. Now, I already have the reason and I am pretty confident that that reason is all I need to justify myself for picking out that name.
A rag doll is a best friend. She would always be loyal to whoever owns her. Pour out your heart to her and you could be a hundred percent sure that the secret would always be kept in her.
Ignore her.
Say harsh words to her.
Leave her alone all day.
At the end of the day she would still welcome you with that warm smile. That permanent smile.
If her owner have problems, he'll cry to her and hug her. But...
A rag doll could not hug him back no matter how much she wants to. She would always dream about holding his hand. But, being a rag doll, her fingers were stitched together and all that she could do is to wait for him to hold hers instead.
When her owner is asleep, she would always fantasize to touch his cheeks. She'll end up wishing for him to switch positions while he sleeps just for her to have the chance to touch him if his cheeks would come near her hand.
She would always get jealous of his old Barbie dolls. She always envied them for being pretty.
Shiny hair, perfect body.
Everything that his owner would ever dream of.
While she spends eternity in that body made out of scraps.
That untidy yarn hair.
That fat body.
Not to mention the shaggy dress that has been destined for her forever.
No wonder her owner spent so much time with them. He combs their hair and changes their fancy clothes.
He shows the world his Barbie dolls.
A rag doll would always keep her emotions to herself. Her mouth is stitched out to that permanent smile that she can't even say the four words that means everything to her to the whole world.
I love him forever.
She could only show it to him by always being there. Because a rag doll would never let go. She'll stay with her owner even if she gets dumped in the farthest place under his bed. She'll stay with him even if he has grown old enough to let go of toys.
She'll always have that smile and those two shiny black buttons for her eyes. She'll always have her hands spread out into a hug. It's a look that shows how happy she is being with her owner.
She can't demand things from her owner no matter how much she wants to. Maybe because a person would never hear a rag doll's voice. She can't ask him to treat her like a Barbie doll because a rag doll is way too different.
A rag doll , unlike Barbie dolls, is home -made. It is carefully done by hands. The needle would prick the maker's fingers from time to time. The maker's hardwork pours out a soul towards a rag doll. That's why a rag doll, unlike Barbie dolls which are made out of plastics, can feel. They have soft bodies for a purpose. To allow their owners to hug them for as long as they want to.
Do you know what's the only thing that a rag doll wants?
It's definitely not a heart. Because a rag doll does not need a heart to know that she loves her owner so much. The pieces of scraps in her body wiggles at the mere sound of his voice.
It's a mouth. Because a rag doll can't speak. She just thinks. She wants to let go of that permanent smile even just for one night. She just wants to say out loud the 4 words and to have two questions answered.
If someone asks her who she loves most, what should she answer? Pet name or her owner's real name?
If someone asks her owner who she is, would his answer be just rag doll?
